this is sooooo hard!!! how do i get over this???? I feel like im in denial now, like I am hanging on to that hope that when he gets home from Iraq he will see me and just change his mind... I pray every night that God will keep us together... and if He doesnt, then He wasnt listening to me.... I feel stupid... I feel sick, lost, embarrassed.... I am so terrified of what life is going to be like when he does return... and the fact that he just completely stopped talking to me, that just KILLS me! we went from being so in love to planning a family and not being able to wait until he returned home....to THIS! how??? why??? Im just sick over it.... yet another day I couldnt make it into work because I got no sleep and I just feel too depressed....
Me: 25 H:25 M: 2yrs T: 4yrs No Kids Bomb: 11 Feb 10 Newcomers Story
He kind of has to see how far reaching his "personal" life truly is. When a couple breaks up, it has an impact on everyone who cares about them, and people have to choose sides.
If the military is offering you counseling, TAKE IT! It's your right, meghunny! They might be better at some of this than we are! Your H can't tell you not to take advantage of things offered to you. And you can't do this to appease him. You have to take care of YOU before you can take care of H.
I know you want to keep this under wraps for your H's sake, but you need to take advantage of whatever you can, especially since you're physically separated from your own family and don't have much to lean on. We're all here for you and care about you as our own, but we're NOTHING compared to REAL LIFE contact.
Just don't let him take away all your resources - that's controlling behavior and you do not have to put up with it.
Me: 26 Ex: 27 Son: 5
Divorced: 3/2010 Each day is another opportunity to do it right.
Also- I know you are emotional and don't know what to do...remember what you've read though and keep the PMA and fortitude to not break down infront of H.
Ugh, somehow I thought another post was the most recent. Let me start over:
meghunny, you have to get saddled in. This is a long ride. Even if he has a change of heart, there's further to go from there. Every day will be awkward for a while as you try to fit yourselves into each other's lives again. When he gets home is NOT going to be the end, no matter what he decides. It will only be an extremely stressful day. And you can't expect his mind to be made up THAT day either. Just be polite and courteous while he's there. And I definitely recommend being away from home as much as possible when he gets back - you'll both need a lot of space to get away from the tension.
Me: 26 Ex: 27 Son: 5
Divorced: 3/2010 Each day is another opportunity to do it right.
I have gone to counseling 4 times now and I plan to continue going, although it seems to be nothing more than me venting my issues and the counselor serves as my ear. I am so confused about my H going dark on me.. that scares me. I know what he wants more than anything is be in love and he thinks we lost that, so that tempts me to express to him how much i understand what he is feeling and how much i want that the both of us. I am an emotional wreck, I go up and down up and down.... which im sure we all do. The thing is, when I read alot of stories about WAW, it sounds like the thing to do for the man is to be strong and confident and going dark and all that would work better for a man because woman want a strong confident man... but does it really work the same for a woman to do? When my husband is wanting to feel "in love"? does it work to GAL and be brief with him and go dark and all that?
Me: 25 H:25 M: 2yrs T: 4yrs No Kids Bomb: 11 Feb 10 Newcomers Story
I know you are right... man its tough to do but you are right. I am starting to wonder if my H is not showing some signs of MLC. He is only in his 20s but I read that it doesnt necessarily matter on the age.... he is really stressed about his situation he is currently in, and predicting the near future of getting out of the military and what challenges that will bring, and he was seeming very depressed since he has been deployed the whole time... and then he felt that we werent the right people for eachother and didnt want to be trapped...etc... is that a MLC?
Me: 25 H:25 M: 2yrs T: 4yrs No Kids Bomb: 11 Feb 10 Newcomers Story
WOW... i had my first DB phone coaching today with Jody... man do I feel a ton better! I feel like I am equipped with a plan and I feel more confident that i CAN do this! I feel like she really understood the situation and had a lot of insight.... she told me I need to send my H a "letter of release" before he comes home, not expect him to respond, but I needed to show him, without trying to change his mind, that i DO understand his concerns in our marriage and it will be my first time really validating his feelings. So I am going to work on that letter and trust her with that strategy... my strategy after he comes home still falls pretty in line with the DB methods but I need to put that out there for him to think about. Wish me luck!
Me: 25 H:25 M: 2yrs T: 4yrs No Kids Bomb: 11 Feb 10 Newcomers Story
Good luck Meg, although I did not have any of the phone coaching I hear they are very good. I am so happy you feel a ton better. Just having the confidence in a good plan can help turn your Sitch around it certainly did for me, when I realized that I was going to be all right regardless and life is too short to hang around the miserable ie my wife, then that is when she started to respond. She saw that boy back in college that was fun to be around. Attitude is huge in this thing, a good one is attractive a bad one is not.
Rooting for you and thank you for the congrats, I come here because of what you specifically mentioned to me, that it is hard to find success stories because quite frankly, when things are going well, people do not hang around a divorce prevention site. lol
