hmama,
This is not wisdom and therefore not what you're looking for, but I plan on absolutely no relationship or contact.

She has violated, broken and nullified our friendship in so many ways and so many times that I am dropping her as I would any friend who did likewise.

I am fortunate, of course in that all the kids are grown and out and we had none together, so there's no co-parenting relationship to be defined.

Wiser folk will be along shortly, I'm sure.

Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac