Is this piecing?

[flowmom]

Wow H4L. The session that you had with your H is a testament to what MC can be. It created a safe space for both of you to own your "stuff" and set new intentions in the R. And really that's all people can do when they want to improve things.

Have you read Passionate Marriage? Kalni posted about it, esp. in reference to self-soothing and how that was helping her deal with the fear and doubt of piecing. From how you describe your session, it sounds like self-soothing would be a really useful skill to for you to strengthen right now. Your strong reactions are self-protective mechanisms for you, but of course they add fuel to the fire. Self-soothing is a safer alternative for you and your M.

Sometimes I think that we should treat ourselves and our spouses like children. We can see when children are getting wound up and overreacting. At our best we become calmer and quieter, and we try to soothe them with our words and our eyes.