WAW Using God II

[pigskin]

Well it turns out that Knittedscarf's take on my wife was right.

Had 2 long conversations tonight, and long story short, we basically agreed that we're divorcing.

W is not open to reconciliation even though she says she prays for her heart to open and for our marriage to heal. She admitted that she had the kids around the OM last night, and that she has been communicating with him. Still tries to pass it off as "we're two friends" and actually objected to me calling it an affair, even though she has accepted it and heard me say that many times.

I told her I'm done with the affair, and if she is not going to stop then I am going to file for divorce. She said why do that when there are other less expensive ways to do it? I just told her I'm going to protect myself and my children.

We went back and forth over the same old stuff we've rehashed a thousand times. She was pretty emotional. Says she's cheated in every relationship she's ever had, although has never had sex, "that's a line I don't cross".

I told her how it angers and frustrates me that our kids are going to be devastated. She still tries to downplay it.

She says how she wishes her heart did not feel the way it does, "but I don't have a choice". I told her she has a choice. She can choose to stay in the relationship and work on it, and the feelings of love will return. It won't be easy, but it is your choice. I'm the one with no choice, since I can't control what you do. It takes two people to get married, but only one to end it.

I asked her to do it for God, not for me. Take the chance and trust that God will take care of all of your feelings for you. But it was pretty fruitless. She even said she was thinking the other day "Who said the Bible is a closed book? What if God is saying to Himself, 'You know, I don't think the same way as I did when that book was written, I have some different ideas now.'"

That's about when I threw up my hands and gave up. I still tried to reason with her and at least give her confidence that I am on board with doing all I can to reconcile. But it was all falling on deaf ears.

So now I've got to start doing some research on filing. What sucks as well is that I'm in the middle of a job search so I've got a lot of balls in the air. Just gotta pray and handle it.