Stay true to all your beliefs and goals. Stand tall. Through all life's setbacks and disappointments, your dreams will come true.
When no one else is with you, and no one seems to care, just whisper to yourself, "I am the controller of my destiny. It's up to me what comes to pass, and if I keep my thoughts positive and strong, my dreams will come true."
When what seem to be impossible obstacles stand in your way, just think of all the times you got through yesterday. There is a place for you in this world. Stay on your chosen path. All the power is within you; be true to what is in your heart. Be honest within yourself; if you are, then you cannot fail.
Your dreams will come true.
~ Debra Ruegg-Jenkins ~
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
NC.. thanks for checking on me, I've really been out of sorts lateley with him. I just dont' know.
yoyo... I know your busy as is everybody.. no worries.. Snow has been horrible... but we are due for rain this wkend so bye bye snow!
Came back from the docs with S7, he's got strep throat and scarlatina.. great.. my poor guy uggg!!
I had my cortizone shot on wed. for my arm (brusitis) still hurts, hopefully its just because of the shot and not because its not helping...
H has been working a lot, burning the candles at both ends. Im not really complaining, he's got work, but again, it takes its toll when Im the only one here dealing with everything else.
I beginning to realize that no matter what I do I will not be able to change this man, and that the only thing I can change is my attitude towards him when he is a sh*t.
My bf just called me this morning to tell me her H asked her for a divorce... I didn't even know what to say. They have had problems and I think i told you guys about her issues. They haven't had sex in months and she isn't attracted to him apparently anymore. She found another phone in his car and he has been calling his ex gf, and she also found viagra. on top of which, she has been talking to some guy that has been an issue for them in the past (but apparently only to trace the phone numbers on his phone) Don't know if that is completely true, but I am so sad for them. They have two kids and one is autisitic and has behavioral issues big time. This is going to really throw him for a loop..
Its just sad all the way around... then I think about my situation and I just don't know, I do know things could be a lot worse, but they could be a lot better.
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
I am sorry about your bf. To some degree, what Karen has mentioned about parents of autism-spectrum children is true. Raising any child can already be a huge burden even without the complications of a neurological disorder. Such a handicap often does put a tremendous strain on even the best of M's.
But there is never an excuse for adultery. Under any circumstance.
And in talking with so many people in the last three years I have come to realize that things can be much worse. My own sitch has been a veritable cakewalk compared to what some have had to endure, through no real fault of their own. These people by their examples really inspire me and shame me at the same time.
I hope you're managing to surf the mounting waves that seem to be constantly rocking your life. Hang in there -- we care about you and want to see you succeed in your efforts.
Hey Jak! Funny you should ask... hopefully you are doing great I hope... how is everybody?
Tried to get on with my blackberry last night and couldn't... I left H for the night with the kids...
It a long and drawn out story, but to sum up... S7 and S4 were rough housing around and S7 had my scarf around his neck... H said he was choking him... I don't believe it, S7 is just not the aggresive type... playing around yes I beleive that. H went bonkers (he has been home sick for two day UGG!) over it and said he could have really hurt him , but he really went to the extreme. I came downstairs to find out what was going on. He yelled at me saying I wasn't down here and that I should be backing him up. I sent S7 to his room and just took the kids upstairs. S7 later told me that they were just horsing around and that H started yelling and screaming. I went to put them to bed, then I was dreading going to bed myself. I was so mad that he has to handle thing with such anger.
We got into it and it got bad. He blew things out of proportion.If he was around more he would know S7 wasn't capable of hurting S4, he just doesn't have it in him. He said it doesn't matter if it was on purpose or not, he could have hurt him... he didn't stop with the insults and swearing so I said im leaving.
Left and went to hotel. S7 told me he didn't like his dad and that he wanted me to break up with him. Ok so what the heck do I say to that. I defended H up to a point by saying that you cannot wrap anything around your brothers neck even if you are just playing around its dangerous and that his father was just concerned about S4 safety.
He wasn't buying that. I am afraid with S7, he really is building up resentment towards H. I Don't know how to handle it.
We are home, H went to work thank goodness, He thinks im posioning the boys against him, when in fact its the opposite. I try to defend him, but some things I just don't have an answer for. He also tells me that I think im better than him?? WTH???
im am stressed beyond belief. What do you tell your son that is asking for you to leave your H??? Some advice would be appreicated, but I just don't know what to do at this point.
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
I am sorry. It was a tough situation that seems to have spiraled out of control. These will do that from time to time, though it makes it no less difficult.
We know your H has some anger issues -- he really, really needs to learn to deal with them.
I can play devil's advocate and tell you how the both of you should have handled the situation. I know, because I and my ex used to do the same things (I can only hope and pray I know better next time.) First, you two should refrain from airing your disagreements before your S's. It would be better for the both of you to show enough respect for each other and present a united front in dealing with a behavioral situation. You should take the differences you have in how to approach the issue with S7 possibly endangering his little brother and hash them out in private. I know that's next to impossible to do in the spur of an immediate crisis -- so it helps to discuss these things ahead of time and to already have an inkling where your partner's mind is on such matters. To be on the same page. But then, this lack of commonality is where the problem arises in the first place, and why such scenes can happen.
It might have been innocent for S7 to play with the scarf with S4, but your H was alarmed -- and he felt like you didn't have his back. Moreover, he felt you were undermining his station and his respect in front of your S's.
And, unfortunately, your H already has anger and self-esteem issues -- and these make for a powder keg waiting to go off.
Unfortunately, it looks like my "post-analysis" is all mute, since the horse is now out of the barn. I hope you two can now use this to get some serious MC. I mean that -- it's long overdue.
Your H certainly needs some IC -- I can see in him the anger I have had to deal with in myself. I know what is like to feel my respect besmirched and disregarded (intentionally in my case) -- it's the last thing in a MR a H wants to lose. Without respect for the H and without love for the W the M cannot long stand -- it takes both to make it work. Respect feeds Love, and vice versa. I pray the both of you seek out counseling -- perhaps this will at last be the catalyst for real progress towards that.
I am sorry for S7 and S4, particularly S7. I really pray it is as I suspect however, that he is just temporarily upset with his father when he says he would prefer you two to split. I want to believe he doesn't really want that.
I honestly don't see anything that can't be mended between you two. It just takes the will and the effort on both your parts. I support you, Irish.
Thank you nc... I appreciate your words and support.
I will speak to him in the next couple of days when things have calmed down about the mc. I know we need it, its getting him to go.
Im beginning to get numb to all of this.. his little fits of anger are just that "fits" . Im not sad about it, just fed up. Under other circumstances I would be crying and upset about it, im passed that, I didn't shed a tear last night, Just plain sick of it.
I also think what has happend is that, he is gone so much I have taken over the role of Mother and father and somehow I believe that when he disiplines them its just not the way I would have. He yells and carries on and that is not going to help matters at all and he doesn't get that.
This has taken its toll on me as you know not only emotionally but physically. My headaches have gotten so bad, and im always tired.
I wish I could turn back the clock and do things so differently, but I know I can't.
S7 seems ok right now, he's got a bad cold and was up all night with his asthma. He says he is still angry with his dad. S7 tends to hold grudges, and unfortunately he gets that from me.. although Im much better than I used to be.
Thanks again nc
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Hon, I know you can't go back and change what already has happened, but maybe you can take how you know you wanted to do things and go that route.
Agree or not it is important to support the other parent with the kids. The trick is in how you do it. I am more the disciplinarian and ex would just always say "Do as your Mother says." That to me takes away ex's voice in things. Much better to say, "You were told to do xyz and we don't expect to have to tell you again." Thus you provide a united front. I was the one home the majority of the time with the kids and ex did feel a bit like an intruder.
You could turn that around by shaking up your routine when he is home. Do more things that focus on all of you together and not just what "we" always do. That alienates your H in his own house.
Hon, I know your issues go deeper and I don't post much but I would love to see things turn around for you. You can do this.
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
