I don't reccomend you expose the affair to people unless they are marriage friendly.. and no I don't consider people that will push you to divorce to be marriage friendly. Expose this to people who will support your choice to fight for your family and your marriage.. THEY are the people who can help you.
If you can imagine anyone on his end who would pressure him to come back to you and to end his affair expose to them as well... parents for example.
Whomever you can think of that will support your marriage being restored in whatever way they can is whom you expose to... if you do'nt think they will have any influence, do not waste your time on them.
If he is accustomed to talking to them on the phone for three times a week but he is pushing for a divorce he had better get used to one visit each weekend or some such.. that is what divorce is...
If he wants to "take care of his kids" he needs to NOT divorce.. there is a MOUNTAIN of statistics collected that prove divorce damages children long term. If he is thinking "they'll get over it" there is a ridiculous amount of data to prove otherwise...
And btw, you don't ASK him if OW is moving in with him like you have no say in the matter
You TELL him if SHE doesn't LEAVE then YOU AND your kids do NOT want ANYTHING to DO with him... If you read mb28's thread there's samples of protection phase letters explaining to him that you do not want to contact him.. they are excellent
If you could get a FT or someone to informally pass info to him that would be good, but I don't think you have anyone in that position... It is NOT pursuit if you get someone else to just inform him casually...
"She told me she mgiht be willing to move south, but she won't have anythign to do with you as long as you are having an affair -- and I honestly told her to just dump your sorry a$$"
Someone who can pass info like that is ONE way to negotiate without pursuiing... You don't look needy at all and he would always second guess the info as it is not first hand.
If he mentions moving somewhere else down there I would definitely press the no contact... If he thinks he can just stay down there with her and treat you like a baby sitter I would DEFINITELY be taking my dignity back... You accomplish this by taking your contact with him back... no emotional contact at all
read mb28's thread, at least the last three or four pages, it will get you up to speed on what I mean in mroe detail
