Huband is having an emotional affair

[ALJ]

Allen,

Wow, your advice is helpful and definately not for the faint at heart. I have never been confrontational in our marriage so it is going to take some gut for me to put this into play but I am going to try. I understand your recommendation on emphasizing how hurtful this affair this is to me and our children and maybe his guilt will turn this around. I told him once how hurtful this is to me but that was it. I thought that I saw somewhere on one of the forums that guilting the spouse to come back was a form of pursuing and that it would not work out in the long run. But, with a set of conditions in play, like you said, he would not be able to come back home so easily.

I really haven't told but a few of my friends about what was going on and none of my family knows. I just don't want to hear all the back talk about how I don't need him and I am better off without him. I know one family member that is probably secretly hoping that I don't move away because she depends on me a lot. A tiny part of me still feels embarrassed about the situation and I am afraid to face the fact that he might be in a physical affair. I should know better than to feel this way but I still have my moments.

H claims that he will work two or three jobs if he has too because he is not concerned about himself and just wants to make sure the kids are taken care of. He did mention about wanting to move to a three bedroom apartment. This, to me, is just wishful thinking. He has to get a job first and who knows how long that is going to take? I should have asked him if OW is going to move in with him if he does move to a bigger apartment.

I am undecided about if I should wait until April 30th when his lease runs out to put the pressure on or should I start now and keep mentioning how hurtful this affair is to our children and marriage ever so often and let him know that I am willing to relocate to where he is because I am not giving up on our marriage and our children need their father and that living 14 hours away from them is not going to work. He probably won't like the idea of us moving down there but I could be wrong. Everything seems so up in the air right now.

To answer your question about H responding to no contact, I really don't know. He seems to be doing fine with talking to us just 2-3 times a week. I know he misses his kids but not enough to do the right thing. And we all know how he feels about me. I do know that he would get very upset if he did not talk to his kids and would probably get mad about it and the kids will want to talk to their dad because they miss him. I could limit my personal contact with him and see what happens.