Sandi, Thanks for your response. I appreciate it. You hit many things right on the head. I am seeing many little things that show progress. That was one of the reasons for my trepidation of wanting to send the letter in the first place. But looking back at several responses from many others here... they had commented about creating a "crisis" to shock a WAW into action. I saw the letter as a possiblity of creating the crisis; to let her know that I am not just going to settle for being a room mate any more. Maybe that's all I need to say - stop the talk about being tired, but let her know that I am not comfortable being roommates.
I am concerned, like you, that continuing to stay in the state we are in (as roommates) will encourage her to not try to go to counseling or do anything.
I'm not sure where to go from here. I've tried some romantic things - nothing recently - but with the responses that I received to Christmas and Valentines day gifts (none from me, but she has to know I was the one who bought them), I'm not sure what she thought of them. I think in some cases I was taking your advice too literally - stop the pursuing, all pursuing. So I do "acts of service" and try to spend "quality time" with her, but maybe I need to focus on "gifts" now.
Interesting question on the sex drive. It was lower than mine, except for a short period between EA2 and EA3. FYI - I did not recognize EA2 until recently, but now realize it did exist. EA2 began about the same time her sex drive increased substantially (Sep 08). I mentioned that phase in my previous thread. The higher sex drive lasted through EA2. It looks like she ended EA2 in Oct 08 - but the sex drive was still high. EA3 began late December 08 - with same guy as EA2. Sex drive went to 0 in January. The last time we ML was December 08, the last time we had sex was Jan 09. EA3 lasted until May 09 (I confronted her in April about it). She ended all three EA's, EA2 on her own, EA1 and EA3 after I confronted her. I do not believe an EA exists today.
I'm not sure what was missing - I know I was not there for her completely while she was losing her parents. I have apologized for that. But she has not been able to articulate what it was that made her feel they way she did. All I've gotten is the George Costanza "it's not you, it's me" message. She says it was nothing that I did or didn't do. Deep down I belive her - she doesn't know why or how. She just knows there is no feeling for me.
I'm willing to be more patient. You mentioned several times about WAW testing their H. I'm also testing her. My birthday is coming up. I have 0 expectations from her. Anything above that would be great. But I do see it as a test. A test about what she feels for me, at this point. If I get nothing, I will be disapointed - mostly because it will represent no progress. Even roommates buy birthday gifts for each other. Any gifts I receive will show the amount of thought that went into it - whether thoughtful or last minute.
I know she's been through many crisis'. One friend said I should toss her out. I know I need to be patient. I really just need to know the best way to let her know that, even though I'm willing to wait for a while, I won't wait forever. That's what I'm struggling with - how, when and if I should state that to a AWAW. Or maybe just be quiet and appreciate the little things I see every day. And start to be a bit more romantic.
