Is your counselor a general marriage counselor or a sex therapist? What advice has your conselor given you and your husband in how to interact with each other? I would expect that they would have you do some joint exercises to bring you closer together and gain shared experiences and do something to change your lifestyles.
Since you used the word "we" when you talked about counseling, you and your husband are probably still talking to each other. That is very positive compared to some in other forums on this website. There are people who would love to be in your situation, as they have spouses who have abandoned them for other women or filed for divorce and moved out. You might explore some of those other forums as well, so you can see just how lucky you really are compared to others.
If you don't have a sex therapist, you might ask your counselor which sex therapist they would recommend that "you" see and if your husband should join you. Sometimes sexual problems are just sexual problems and sometimes they are the symptoms of serious relationship problems. You might want to find out the route-causes of your husbands dissatisfaction and your lower libido-not providing him the love that he needs.
Keep in mind that both of you need to save the marriage and that your husband also bears some of the blame for your relationship getting to where it is. Only you should never tell him that.
Based on what you have said I don't think it is too late, but I can really relate to what your husband is telling you about physical interactions being just too painful and just carrying too much historic baggage. It takes a lot of trust to make yourself vulnerable to the sexual rejection of another person after you have been hurt by them. I would advise you to make saving your marriage your number 2 priority in life, and getting a life as your number one priority (which will help in saving your marriage). You want to be the hottest, most interesting woman that your husband has ever known, someone he wants to be with and wants to bed, which is why you want to get in shape, loose weight, gain muscle, and take up fun hobbies.
Another couple of books you might want to read (after you re-read SSM) are Chapman's the 5 Lanaguages of Love and Sue Johnson's Hold Me Tight.
Good luck. It's probably not too late if you have a good counselor and you focus on things.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
