I've been convinced, by myself, and others, that DB'ing has busted the divorce, BUT, it hasn't saved a M... SO, in saving the M, after over a year of DB'ing, I've found myself with no voice, paralyzed vocals, etc... (Don't bring up your R, NEVER talk about your M, etc...)
So, what works?
-- Words of Admiration ON STEROIDS (H adores to be adored!) -- Feeling needed, and that he IS enough
I started this weekend. At the soccer tournament, he got praise from me in front of others, almost unending... almost nauseating! At the soccer tournament, I stepped back (when I was almost in an argument w/a competing parent - didn't start it!!) and let H handle the as#hole, instead of telling the jackas@ off!
Im not doing this much justice, but... I did ramp up the "You would not BELIEVE how hard this man works, barely sleeping all week, and then has the HEART to show up here, hours away from home, to support his boys and their sport." And, the "How do you do it? You work hard, deal w/chaos all week, and show up here totally fun and put together?"
Then, I started moving into "his space..." After months of him, sitting a bleacher down or up at a game, after sitting next to me, but allowing enough room for another person to slide in, etc..., I moved in on him. I sat next to him, and put my head on my shoulder. He asked, "What's this all about? You can't be tired...!" I said, "Well, since you snuck in early am, and surprised us, I was so excited to see you, I couldn't fall back sleep..."
And, guess what happened at home last night. I had changed to go to bed. I had on a baby-doll style shortie night-gown, a bit, okay a lot, low cut. He totally checked me out. This is a first in a few ways... He was actually IN OUR room at bedtime, and not off w/the boys, falling asleep elsewhere, then stumbling in mid-night. And, he actually noticed me!
So, I'm not worrying about the don't initiate calls, let him come to you, be mysterious, fluff your hair, more make-up, less make-up, etc....
I'm just being me, w/an emphasis on the adoration I have for my H, and hope we're seeing a thaw. God help me, if not. I'll kick his as#!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
