Just checking in on you man. What a bummer at the FT. I'm not sure it sounds like this is the right time. The Om still in the picture it sounds like it's a bit forced and I'm learning that don't work.
Changed over to the MLC group with a new thread so you can find me over there.
Go back and read the posts you put on my thread. Can't fix her. Only she can fix her. I am not putting anything in front of my W that I need for our R it just means I'll be disapointed. Detach! Detach! Detach!
Grit
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
Trust me...I'm detached.. been that way for over a year now. I just thought if she was really earnest in trying; I'd give her a shot. I'm a long way off from ever asking her to move back in. I like my time away from her; but if she can do the REAL work to get better and be a proper W, I'm willing to do it for our kids. If we didn't have kids...none of y'all would even be reading this.
FT was her idea; I went along to give her a chance to show her meddle. She ain't showing too much. I know I can't fix her; ain't trying. But if she's trying; I'll observe but not for long. I'm not seeing much of a change so far. Just a lot of confusion and reluctance to let go of baby daddy. So I'm a little encouraged at the thought of knowing that I will not have to deal with that "personality" in my life everyday.
Grit..I'll check ya out over there. I still don't believe your W is in MLC...I think it's way deeper than that bro. But maybe they can help you...and, of course, I could be wrong and she is in MLC. I'm pulling for ya!
I read all these other threads and people detail out the covering up of A's by their WAS'. Mine was like that too. Ironically, she's more open and honest about them now...to most anyone. She says she's feels bad about the way she's treated me and knows that I don't deserve what's happened to me.
Ironically, she still seems hellbent on assuaging her guilt in this by starting some MC on the way out of this M. It just blows my mind.
So why do I find it so hard to just let it go and save myself the trouble of watching her waffle and manipulate?
So at what point did she decide to start being more honest about the A's? I somehow doubt my W will ever do something like that...she has completely assassinated my character.
It makes me sick to see what's become of our M and our 6 yr R...litterally, there can be no friendship following this- if it goes straight to D.
Maynard, I've been very fortunate in the fact that my W has always held me in high esteem in the prescence of those we jointly know. She has never said a detrimental thing. I think once it was obvious she was pregnant, she didn't have a choice but to acknowledge her A's. I don't think she's been fully truthful about all of them; but she doesn't deny she has done wrong by the M.
Today, I told her that she would need to watch the kids on Thurs as I start my divorce care class. Then I told her that she would have to keep them overnight Fri; as I am going out of town for pleasure.
30 min later, she calls me to ask if I can help drop off her vehicle for service and would I be interested in dinner tonight...funny how GAL makes them do what they do...
What they want is what most affair engaged people want - zero consequences...
When you start SHOWING them some consequences, then they start to get clingy again... this does NOT indicate they will end the affair, only that in addition to their talents as con artists, they also want to part time as a juggler/circus acrobat
pay her no heed and do what you like, that' what they do
I have said my piece, I have protested the A, I have cut friends out of my life in protest, and have NC w/ W until the move out, and even then perhaps I will not be there.
There is literally nothing else I can do- but keep the focus on me...
Let me just say that I'm in a much better place than a lot of people. But I've had 18 months to detach and work on me. Of course, that doesn't mean that I wouldn't rather have this marriage work.
Picked up my S from W's house. He doesn't like staying over there. Wife was drinking when I dropped the kids off; she was asleep when I picked S up; D was sleeping. W gets up and says she has a headache and she looks like crap. S says he'll stay over tomorrow night. W just replies, "you don't have a choice, Dad says you have to."
I fully expect there will be some crisis to prevent me from enjoying my evening. It would be so typical of the manipulative crap that I deal with. I'm hoping not; but I wouldn't be shocked.
