WAW and me in 11th hour!!!!

[sandi2]

Came home yesterday to find my copy of Love Dare and the movie Fireproof moved from the sofa table in the living room to the night stand in my bedroom. I guess W didn't like it out in plain view when she came over to the house. Maybe she feels that I'm trying to manipulate her or something (which I'm not) by leaving it out and she had finally had enough.

That would have been my first thoughts, as a WAW. It did look pretty obvious from her POV.

I know there has been a lot of publicity about the movie and that book, but I would advise you not to use that advice. It is very, very pursuing and I can almost promise you that a WAW will not respond to it......especially if she is in an A.

"You want this (D) too because you don't want to be married to someone who doesn't love you completely." Is she trying to alleviate her guilt about the D? Is she trying to make it that it is a joint decision and not just hers?

It doesn't really matter what she's trying to do, but what you need to do is agree and say, "You are right. I don't want to be M to anyone who doesn't love me completely. I deserve to have a woman who loves me with all her heart." After all, why would you, or anybody, want to live with a person who did not love them? So, don't argue with her whenever she says that. I think you should agree! But. you don't have to agree that you want a D. I think it might help if you were to say, "You know, you are right about part of it". All that stuff you want to say to her just causes more arguments to break out.

What I'm trying to say is that as long as you try to convince her not to D you, and argue with her about staying M, she will fight you tooth and nail. But, if she thought you wanted to dump her so you'd be free to have another life with another person.....then I think it would change things considerable. I doubt the DB coach will tell you that, but that's my opinion. It's just the way most females are. As long as you chase after her.....she doesn't want you. If you act like you don't want her....she becomes interested.

but I guess WAWs don't want to fix it.

YOU'VE GOT THAT RIGHT!! Now, will you keep that thought in your head and stop trying to talk her into fixing the M that she doesn't want to fix? It isn't working, is it?

Are WAWs trying to "find" themselves? Do they feel that they have lost their identity? Do they feel that they have been living for everyone else and that they want to do something for them for once? Is that why WAW are so similar to MLC?

I don't think you can really group them all together in that respect. I believe "some" of them are trying to do some of those things, but not all of them. There is one thing I believe they all do have in common. I believe they are lacking something in their MR. I just believe that if they were completely happy or satisfied in the MR they would not leave it. Why would they? It may have something to do with not being happy with themselves or "trying to find themselves" but it still boils down to their R with their H, IMHO. I think if you are fulfilled in the R....why on earth would you leave to do these other things?

The things your W has said and done are very selfish and immature. Whenever a mother says that to her child, it tells me that that woman has a serious character flaw. (Are you sure you want to live with that person? She doesn't sound very nice at all.) You may come to the place that you decide you deserve better.

As always a lot of questions about the state of mind of my W and where she is
coming from.

I'm sure it is very hard to understand. In cases like your W, I think it is extra hard to deal with b/c of the attitude she has toward the kids. It hurts you to see how she treats them and what affect it has on them.

Anyway, I suggest you stop trying to convince her to stay in the M. I didn't say to stop working, but stop "talking" about how she needs to stay M and be a good mother, etc. Just leave her alone about all of that.