Nicole I am in a similar situation with H. That fog and the mixed messages..the waffling to and fro. It truly makes your head spin. It makes you feel like you are going crazy. My H is infatuated with the OW as well...in a complete fantasy land. The OW would never make him happy..you can read my posts for more details..but I too..believe my H suffers from depression and have spoken to his family about this...well they noticed as well- it really wasn't hard to tell.
My H also always showed signs of depression but would never get treated. He always did better when he was eating well and exercising more. With his tough work schedule and a bum leg- he hasn't been able to. My H did decide to go see an IC. The IC did tell him he was unhappy. When I ask my H how he is going to deal with his depression..he says the IC never used the word depressed..just that he is unhappy. The IC also told him that he shouldn't put his unhappiness on our marriage or myself.
We are currently separated and up until this past weekend..he continued talking to OW. She works with her as well. He has told me before that he has ended things but has gone back 2x in the past. It is crazy. I cannot begin to understand what is going through his head. I think it is the drama- my H affair is also an IMMATURE high school type relationship- the text messages I read were just ridiculous. My husband has turned into a 16 year old boy.
You hear this advice over and over again...but it is so important. Begin to do things for yourself and try to stay out of the craziness of his life for the time being. Don't live in his drama filled world. You will feel more in control of the situation and your self esteem will be preserved. Do not give into him..they become so manipulative and selfish when in this state. Stay away!!!
The hardest part for me is watching my H destroy his life and our marriage while trying to remain quiet and distant. It is painful..but necessary. I don't always succceed with this..but it has gotten easier with practice. Any thing you have to say will fall on deaf ears until they are ready to hear you. While in this fog...you sound like Charlie Brown's teacher to them...waahhh wahhhhh wahhhh.
