Children also model after their parents. Amazingly all my kids are doing better than ever from about nine months since the divorce was finalized. And this is even with their father basically seeing them for a diner meal on holidays with an occasional dinner with our daughter.
When going into this unexpected emotional chaos with the former spouse blaming me for ruining his life, I decided I was a good person going in to this, and that I'd be a good person coming out of it.
The kids would watch me struggle, keep trying and then succeed. They heard me when I said that there was so much to be grateful for in our lives, all that we had. That it's a choice to focus on the negative or embrace the positive. Accepting both, realizing what can and cannot be controlled.
I tried to never spoke negatively about their dad in front of them. Just strived to be the best I could be.. results varying day by day, but always trying.
Personal counseling helped me immensely as far as learning what it is to be healthy, creating boundaries. I always thought my job was to fall on the sword, take one for the team.
At least for me it's been a multi-step process.. and one that I'm still working on.
