Last week was too much. I am so glad it is over, the following happened over the weekend. These things will help me move forward (not in any particular order):
1. I texted H to tell him about our dog - no response 2. I texted H and told him Happy Birthday - no response 3. I texted H with directions to hotel and school - no response. 4. H told me late in the day on Friday that he wanted to drive D13 and S11 to hotel - I said ok (his weekend). He arrived very late. Kids didn't get practice time, or pool time. 5. H spent most of the day in his truck on Saturday, only coming in for performances of our kids. I had e-mailed the schedule, gave him a typed schedule Saturday morning, yet he continued to text me throughout the day to find out the performance times. He couldn't seem to keep the times straight. 6. H called me when I was leaving the hotel to go to the school early Saturday morning to tell me D13 had used all of the shampoo. I told him I would bring him some, as it was implied that that was why he was calling. I took it to the room. D13 greeted me at the door for delivery. There was no thank you at any point. 7. D13 asked to ride home with me Saturday night. I told her it was ok, if OK with dad. She came home with me. H later texted and said both girls should just stay with me for the night. 8. H chose not to celebrate his birthday with the kids. After ball practices were over he went to band practice. He asked if S11 could go and stay with him last night. I said yes. Both D's were very disappointed that there was no birthday celebration---and maybe disappointed that he chose something to do that only included S11. 9. I did not let my emotional state dictate how I treated H this weekend. I was able to act as if nothing was wrong, that I hadn't had my first L appt., that I hadn't had to put OUR dog to sleep, that I wasn't thinking of my dad, and not celebrating his birthday. I treated him as I would anyone else----by going out of my way to be kind, do favors for him and be helpful. H continued to treat me as if I had the plague---but not to the point that he didn't ask things of me. 10. I have AMAZING kids. My kids finished 1st (S11), 2nd (D16) and 3rd (D13)and all qualified for state competition.
I took some time and really thought about how H was acting, and acting towards me. It helps me to apreciate how DONE he is---even though I'm not.
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
Sorry to hijack but I am really worried about D/U.... she has not posted, I know there is nothing we can do till she posts but I pray she is alright........ O/P you were the last one before me to post, so far she has not responded...... and I like the spelling of "done"
I wouldn't have taken the shampoo or kept giving him schedule times. You are rescuing him from his choices. He needs to feel those choices if anything is ever going to change. Just so you know that doesn't mean you aren't nice, it is just a 180. Changing the way things are done.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Hmmm.......don't know if I can go against my nature. If someone else had asked these things of me, I would have obliged. I didn't want him to miss seeing his kids performances. I guess I don't get this. This must be why I am not so good at this.
I spaced off the fact that I had to go out of town for training today. Had to leave last night and be gone overnight. I wasn't too concerned, since it was H's night---and hadn't told him in advance. I sent him TM telling him I was on my way out of town. He replied with something about D13 still being at home and was he going to have to feed her after S11's baseball practice???......honestly, this was a bit too far for me. D13 told me a few weeks ago that he expected me to feed her when he was with S11 at ball practice----which I was happy to do since she was with me during practice (thought it a bit much that he told her to tell me.....but, typical). Don't quite know what S11 does for dinner, and why he can't feed them at the same time. Last night I responded and told him to tell her to eat before he picked her up. (She is old enough to fix herself something to eat.)
Home again. It was a good trip. Can't say I learned much, because I think I'm only more confused.......
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
It isn't up to you to take care of him now while he says he is done. You gave him the schedule, he is a grown man who should be responsible for taking care of it from there.
Bringing him shampoo...there is a thing called a telephone and he could have called housekeeping for more. You are rescuing because you always have. This isn't good for either of you. He needs to see what it is like without you helping him along.
You need to let go a bit. It is like wet soap, you hold on too tight and it is bound to go flying out of your hands.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
