Looking for help with WAW

[sandi2]

I do not agree with pursuing R talks b/c somebody is going to get emotionally upset, usually. Do you really think anything came from that talk? I personally feel that both of you were BSing her when you said you wouldn't go to C with thinking about reconsiliation and she wouldn't go with closure. You "know" you'll be hoping and looking for reconciliation! And....all she can talk about is you letting her go, so yeah, she's thinking about closure. Don't you think you were trying to force her into agreeing to go? You probably don't see it as "force" but it is a form of controlling. You just want it so badly that you can't see what you are doing. It's pressure to her and she may agree just to get you off her back, but that doesn't mean she'll really go. Please take my word for it, a WAW hates pressure like that.

As for the next step, well you are putting the house up for sell and spliting the furniture so it seems a S is coming. I think if you would back off and leave her alone, that would probably do more than pressing her to go to C.

If my H would have told me that he thought we should S, instead of him pursuing me, then it would have shocked the mess out of me. I think it would have made me do a 180 and perhaps even snapped me out of my EA (I guess I won't ever know). If you were to act like you were fine with the S and even told her that you had thought it over and decided she was right and that you decided you wanted a chance at another life.....I bet it would cause her to sit up and take notice. As long as you continue to hold back hard on that rope you have tied to her, she is going to resist and that just causes a tug-of-war. If she thinks you want to be free of her.....that's a different story!