Don't hold your breath waiting for anything from them. Make your life all about you and let it all go.
BUT even If they DO "see the light" at some point, know that chances are, you'll never hear about it. Their ego won't allow them to fully "get it" let alone tell YOU about it. You'd be the last one to hear in all likelihood.
Don't I know it. My W never admits when she's wrong. We've left churches. Stopped hanging out with friends. Switched the kids in schools after W either had an argument with someone or got embarrassed by something.
So yes, logically, I know now that the decision has been made it's going to happen unless something really shakes her up.
My heart though wants someday that closure where she says she realizes it wasn't me who was the source of her unhappiness.
My L and my counselor told me that's unlikely to ever happen and I'll have to give it up. With everything else, I hope it happens in time.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
hate to repeat myself but the victory here, is not in how your w feels or what she does/thinks or says...it is ALL about how your life is, going forward. Lucky for you, that is within YOUR control....so lose the marital history book and the scorecard about who was "righter" and leave the results of your w 's choices to the universe....don't wait any longer for her to "get it"....
You will know you are healthy and that you "get it" when you no longer care if she does... j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
yes, you must avoid SVON at all costs...and next time you want to stop at the scene of a car crash, it's okay to help. Just don't marry the driver.
j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
One week and counting to trial. Although I have been here before (12/16/09), I find myself going thru replay...a lot of what if's. Was I not a good DB'er? What could I have done better? Should I have been more patient when she came back?
No...the clandestine meetings, lying, inability to function when 'coming back'. It's rough, now. It's rough.
No...the relationship with my STBXW is over and she is a complete stranger, someone who would back the car over me if no one was looking.
I am not looking forward to being in a public forum and being painted as someone I am not. I grieve for my children, but, life can't continue this way.
I also grieve that I must do what I must next week. I am sorry that I must prepare for this. It's not in my core values as a man. None of this was. None.
Again, to Clinging, I agree with everything 25 has said. It is a huge waste of time to hope that 'divine retribution' comes around. It is also a waste of time hoping that they will come around and say "I made a huge mistake".
They fell out of love.
They dislike us enough, at least in my sitch, to destroy a family, hurt their kids and throw their home away and call the police on you and try and have you arrested.
Quote:
It's a thin line between love and hate
Who wrote that? FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
STBXW wants: 1) more Child Support than the amount calculated by law (25% of prior years AGI 2) STBXW wants huge maintenance in spite of being offered more equity on sale of house and many other things we 'gave in on' 3) STXBW refuses a radius clause and atty feels that she will leave with kids 4) Her L wanted to simply try case for maintenance and child support (threatened to impute my income); my L says we settle outside court of try entire case (including custody)
In addition, STBXW enjoys the public forum. She views it as a platform to punish me and put in her 2 cents. She comes from a family who threatens with the legal system (estranged FIL sued me in small claims court for a mortgage payment he covered for us). Also, wants to hurt me financially by running up the bill. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
L called....she believes they want to settle Monday. Opposing L is finally believing financial stuff. Also, my L has had some AMAZING legal affirmations in the last few weeks. And, also, did STBXW start to feel she shot herself in the foot?????
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
I am so glad to hear this! Like your W, my H magically decided to settle out of court at the 11th hour (I see you are in NY as well, this state is a NIGHTMARE!). And when I say 11th hour he had until 5pm to sign the settlement or the next day we were to be in court. He signed, I kid you not, at 4:58pm. It was horrible.
He had backed out on signing 2 prior agreements that were reached in our pre-trial conferences in front of a judge so I was not hopeful but in the end he know a trial would not bode well for him.
Though no one would dispute the fact that you are incredibly long overdue for a dose of good news.
Funny how her lawyer, now that trial date is one week away and he realizes his cash cow is about to run out, suddenly feels able to suggest settlement.
I sure hope your lawyer is VERY unyielding when it comes to any proposed settlement terms that are unfavorable to you. My guess is that SVON's L knows full well that the gig is up if the four of you walk into that court room next week.
Praying for you my friend.
Strength and honor,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
