Probably not a great idea to mix relationship-repairing strategy with business issues, regardless of any existing overlap.
Though for what it's worth, it would piss the hell out of me too.
My take would be a bit more direct because, frankly, I couldn't care less whether my spouse thinks I am controlling or not on a matter that is pretty cut and dried for me.
"I don't have any control over your involvement personally with other people, whether I like it or not. But I'm certainly not going to tolerate having to be exposed to your play partner through our business. Either take her off of our server, or submit an invoice for them to be billed."
...should you decide to go that route, that is...
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
