How do I expose the affair

[jasper67]

(())

I know it's tough- what you're doing and have been doing doesn't work.

PLEASE DONT SEND ANY EMAIL RIGHT NOW- Let Allen help you devise one if it's even necessary at this time.

PLEASE- just start NC.

I do the same thing, I know it's tough-

Last week I went several days NC- it pissed W off, her last text to me read "guess you're not concerned about our friendship."

Unfortunately I did have contact W due to the dogs,every time you speak to H you are setting yourself back- you have to "give time time."

First there will probably be nothing from H...then a tester...then a curveball...emergency,....etc.

Just keep going w/ it and stay out of your head

[mb28]

thanks maynard2121
I also feel like either packing all the rest of his stuff that is here and sending it to his moms or start packing me and the kids up and getting my own place. I already told H he could have the house if he files. I said he could move in and me and the kids would move out. He said he would take my name of the house and let it forclose so it didn't ruin my credit.

He also told me today "You need to stop trying to fix it, we need to just let go and see what happens". Right now I hate him!!!!

[Allen A]

Divorce is not an option for me.. .I am a parent and parents do NOT divorce as this hurts childen.

I do think we have a marriage worth saving, and I would really like us to try together. And your affair is huring both of us and is not heatlhy. I think it's best that we don't have any contact of any kind until you end your affair. Any and all contact must be through your mom until you end your affair.

[Allen A]

THAT is a much better draft...

THIS is exaclty why I reccomend NO CONTACT, contact usualy just does damage.

It happens mb28, don't sweat it, but ya, keep that phone away from you, it is an addiction for you now...

I really woud'n treccomend you BE ALONE when you are having a hard day.. SURROUND yourself with FRIENDS and GIVE them your PHONE

[Allen A]

thanks maynard2121
I also feel like either packing all the rest of his stuff that is here and sending it to his moms or start packing me and the kids up and getting my own place. I already told H he could have the house if he files. I said he could move in and me and the kids would move out. He said he would take my name of the house and let it forclose so it didn't ruin my credit.

He also told me today "You need to stop trying to fix it, we need to just let go and see what happens". Right now I hate him!!!!

Don't hate him, hate the affair OK?

You need to STOP ENABLING his affair.. when you talk negative, he FEEDS off that like a SPONGE

He is a NEGATIVE ENERGY SPONGE right now.. you sqeeze him and all you will get is negative energy, and he will soak up all YOU have to give him too

STAY AWAY FROM HIM

[Allen A]

As far as the givng up the hosue and you movign out.. do NOT make ANY OFFERS or arrangements with him, you are NOT in an emotional state to DO the best choices for your children right now OK?

DO NOT make ANY DEALS or arrnagements that affect your chidlren when you are upset.. tha'ts what HE tries to do.

[mb28]

Thanks Allen,
I did that a couple of days last week. I gave one of my coworkers my phone.

With your experience on here Allen, what do you see that mostly happens with WAH's when their W does NC with them? Maybe I feel a little better about it, if I kind of have an idea of what to expect.

[Allen A]

Do NOT send that email I sent you, its just a draft, and do NOT send YOURS EVER

YOURS will NOT bring him ANY CLOSER to you

I think you can see how much damage the phone call did, so I won't even talk about you not making more calls to him.. I think you know better now.

Let me and others continue to write up a damage control letter for you, I put up a draft so far...

It should be sent out tonigth at the very latest... let us all put some input up on it first before it goes out.

[Allen A]

You SAW the postive impact it was having on him didn't you?

Did it LOOK liek your distance was driving him AWAY? Or did it look like your distance was bringing him CLOSER?

[jasper67]

But listen to what he said- "let go and see what happens."

I know all of this is hard, and I know that half the time I feel like a hypocrite b/c it's easy to give good advice...

Every time you have contact w/ H and pressure him or pursue him- it sets you up to be rejected...I know you feel H feels the way you do somewhere- I'm quite sure he does, just as my W does...but we cannot remind them of that!!!

Please let him experience some loss- go into a good mental place while Dark- do whatever you want to do, and be a great mom.

BUT you cannot keep setting yourself up like this...you cannot rationalize, or teach, lecture, or say anything- while OW is around he just doesn't see you.


In college I had the best GF ever- I loved her very much- to this day I love her.

I was using a lot of drugs, as was she- then I met this other girl who was just different. Suddenly I was all about that girl. My X pursued me in every way- and I loved her w/ all me heart before I met the new girl.

I ignored her and everytime she did anything to remind me of us, I got stressed and ran.

The last time I saw her she even suggested we kiss just to see if there was anything there- she was a great kisser- but I just wasnt there.

When she pulled away I baited her, I was more interested, I grew board w/ the new GF, etc, etc.

Long story short, several years go by- and I realize she was the catch between the two- the one I should have been w/. She's M w/ 2 kids now and happy- and that's all I want for her.

It's hard to do as the LBS but that's the nature of the beast.

be a better woman if H comes back, and have the choice if you want him back