I am so glad that H is finally starting to progress in the physical department and is really starting to take to having short talks about what will make your relationship better now, the talk about mirroring your moods. I hope things keep going well. You are very strong and it seems to be paying off.
Me29 S3 H left 4/1/09 I file 8/2/10 Divorce final 5/17/11 1st http://www.tinyurl.com/25lhu52 2nd http://www.tinyurl.com/2c35ueg 3rd http://www.tinyurl.com/322yk89
I went to the dermatologist today. Wanted to for quite some time. I used to have nice skin and it has gotten really bad over the years. Guess what? She said the lack of iron does that. So, I am scheduled for a laser treatment to get rid of the scars and then a 20 day mild therapy and then a peeling and she said, I will be as good as new.
I wanted to do this now is the time. H called a couple of times because I also went to check out a mole that looked weird (harmless!!), and he said he would come with me for the laser treatment. That is funny. He didnt come with me when I had a lump in my breast and now he wants to come for a 5min laser treatment... I guess,the fog has cleared after all.
He told me he feels really good about us lately. I told him what I do:I wake up and everytime I wonder if I should do something, I choose :be loving or resentful. I "use" his LL, I boost his ego, I am caring etc etc. At least 80% of the times. The rest 15 I choose at least not to act resentful. The rest 5% I am a bitch!! (that's the % I enjoy most).
I asked him if he thinks he is the prefect companion. He said of course not. And then I asked what does he do to get better? Asked him if he read the book. He said nope. I told him, it's time to get off the pot. He said he is more confident than ever about his decision. I told him I read the files on his laptop. He said he diddnt even know they existed and that "I should have deleted them". I replied that is his job to do.
I told him about sex and that if we have a problem there, it's a dealbreaker for me. He said something thru his teeth, dont know what. I give him time to digest that.
My son has been telling my parents how happy he is we are back together. My parents are happy to hear that. I felt trapped and went spinning again for a while. I had to remind myself only death is irreversible (sp?), everything else I can decide to change. I calmed myself down.
I am having blood tests done this week and will shop around for a good massage place and a pilates studio.
My gfs bought me a Coach bag on Sat (lol).
Today I realised I sent the wrong file to the BoD on January with the Dec data!!! Nobody noticed, LOL!! Could have gotten fired! I let my boss know and he said he will cover for me if needed (if he doenst get fired as well).
My friends all called and said they had a wonderful time Sat. I did too. And the fact that I took pictures was so unlike me. Especially pics of me.
Overall, there is progress. I think my iron supplements are working cause I am feeling some energy back. I was so tired and moody all the time.
I saw the pics this am of your birthday evening. WHAT a difference in those, compared to some earlier ones you posted w/you and w/your H in them. I think I made a silly comment about him not being "cute" enough for you. You both look like the weight of the world is being lifted off of you. You look... joyful. You look SUPERB, and he looks WORTHY.
Something is working.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I asked him if he thinks he is the prefect companion. He said of course not. And then I asked what does he do to get better? Asked him if he read the book. He said nope. I told him, it's time to get off the pot.
Kalni, when I read this I wondered if you are asking for what you want/need enough (a hug, some reassurance, him planning a date for you...whatever it is)? Maybe he doesn't need to read a book. Maybe he just needs really clear feedback from you that he can contribute to your happiness, and what specific steps he can take to do that? Ignore me if I'm off-base.
The chance to see if this M is really what you want is a precious thing. It's inspiring to truly see you live in the optimism *and* pain of piecing.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
