I was at a loss for words when he told me about OW. I started to panic and that when I started asking all those validating questions. Should I bring up his relationship with this OW again and tell him about how cruel, sleazy, and wrong it is?
Also, don't reccomend name calling such as the above, not becaue it isn't sleazy, but simply beuase that does NOT apply any pressure to the WS
THe most effective pressure during confrontation phase (which is what you are alluding to here) is to emphasize how HURTFUL it is to YOU and to your CHILDREN. How IMPORTANT your MARRIAGE is to you and that it is being ATTACKED by the OW.
This CAN over the long term invoke GUILT and conscience from teh WS... until you speak UP about the HARM, it will only continue until divorce arrives at your door.
WIth YOUR situation, your H may decide to return on his own.. so you MAY want to use this as an extra push...
It is improtant to understand during confrontation that you do NOT want to ATTACK your spouse, you simply want to EXPOSE the affair - calling it for what it is - and to impress upon him how HARMFUL it is to you and your children.
Once THAT is SAID.. you END ALL CONTACT - period.
Your silence is your message from that point on.
All contact that is necessary through third party has your protest attached to it as a reminder.
I would definitely start CALLING his affair an AFFAIR and tell him how hurtful it is.. the no contact is your choice...
Lets put it as a question.. if you ENDED contact, do you think that would pressure him to come home?
Absence DOES make the heart grow fonder, people on this forum HAVE turned their wayward spouse around to PURSUE THEM EVEN DURING AN AFFAIR by NOT CONTACTING them atall.. it drives the WS crazy
