Need Help Fast Please..............

[Buffet]

As always G thanks......really I mean it. You and everyone around here are just a tremendous example of the good that is in people. I cannot even think of how worse off we would all be without each other!

[Buffet]

Today I get a call from W who is now angry because she does not think that our settlement agreement that she came up with is fair!!

It is actually more than fair in her favor, she is keeping the house, most of the possessions in the house, the equity, and the renovation cost, the car, and 1/2 custody of S2

I am getting 1/2 of the savings, my year end bonus, and my office stuff (I work from home), some land that we own that is not worth so much right now (thnanks real estate crash).

I just about lost it when i heard that, she is dragging her feet and making everything alot longer and more drawn out than need be. Some in the past have said that maybe she is having second thoughts??? ------I dont think so, I think she is just nuts, offers of reconcilliation have been thrown out to her many times even throughout this whole mess and she has never been interested in the past.

Pissed, just pissed off is what I am right now. I am beginning to hate this version of W. The sad thing is that I am still in love with the version that I remember, however she is gone forever and that sucks

[Gardener]

Buffet, I forget if you are litigating or mediating. But no matter.

If litigating, tell her you will not discuss this with her; that's what the lawyers are for. To relay information, proposal, negotiations in a business-transaction-like manner sans all the emotion bitterness angst and baggage that got you here in the first place.

If mediator, basically the same thing. I won't talk about it outside of mediation. Whatever it is you want to say go write down so you have it at the next meeting.

If possible, have the mediator put you in different rooms and shuttle back and forth with proposals, suggestions, responses from spouse. My mediation was in same room with X and it was just hellish. All of the B.S. just hung over that room and prevented any rational give and take.

Either way, it's friggin maddening. There's no getting away from that.

[Buffet]

well it is actually done (or at least supposed to be) right now we are waiting on both attorney's to draw up the paperwork and than we would sign...not sure if today's outburst changes things??

I am just tired of the crap. I never wanted this ever, and now I am not even allowed to move on from this either. Seems very unfair (and I realize that sounds pretty childish as well)

[Gardener]

I am just tired of the crap. I never wanted this ever, and now I am not even allowed to move on from this either. Seems very unfair (and I realize that sounds pretty childish as well)

Childish? Nah.
Frustrated? Oh, yeah!

[Buffet]

The world must be ending!!

Ice queen just made a comment that "this is all getting real now!!". Now is on the eve of signing the final papers to bring to the judge about 1 year after the first bomb.

Now I am not getting overly excited, or excited at all as she still has made absolutely no mention of wanting to work on this (sad thing is even after all of the stuff that has happened I would still say there is at least a part of me (5%) that would take her back and figure this thing out). So I guess it is not much of an update other than it appears as if there is at least some kind of a human being in there still??

I have to admit.....I am wishing that there was a way to rewind and go back to last March so bad...the question is would I ever be able to do that? Or the bigger question is really would W ever admit that this is a mistake--she has gone so far down the road I do not think that she would turn around, or even stop and pause now even if she thought it was the right thing to do.

I wish that this did not hurt still. I put on a tough face for the world but still choke up about this every time I even think about it.

[Gardener]

Buffet,
Where've you been?
How are you?

[Buffet]

Hey G---thanks for checking in I am here. I have been lurking but taking a posting break for a bit. D train has left the station just waiting on paperwork to get signed.

I am increasingly sad as the day gets closer and I think I still need to deal with this more that "it is going to happen" Some delusional part of me (1%) still thinks that I will wake up and this will be over..........it will not.

Also, I am trying to soak in some of the incredible advice that has been given to me and others on here so that I could chip in here and there as well. I feel that even though I was not succesful in saving my M I still would like to help give advice and pointers to others. It is the least I could do since so many helped me----I just hope to not screw anyone up!

[ShockedOne]

Buffet,
You are not alone. 8 months for me, and I feel that I am trying to help here. I am sure that some of my advice is wrong, but I can only hope that for every one bad piece I give, there are ten that are right. I can tell you that having been through it before, it does seem easier to see the reality of peoples true identity. I do know for a fact that I did help a friend see the reality of what his gf was up too when she was sneaking around on him. To me it was completely obvious, but I don't know that it would have been had I not been there myself. I guess I am just rambling to you, but know that you are not the first to have been there, and you will not be the last. But for those of us that have gone through infidelity, maybe the good thing to come from it is that we can help others.
Shock

[Buffet]

Question: One of the hardest things that I am struggling with right now/and still is that W is doing this without even giving us a chance, I mean no counseling (even though she is telling everyone that we are going to counseling) no talking about it, no working on things, no do what is best for the kiddo, no.......nothing.

I just don't get how someone can do this to another person much less their husband/wife? and 2 year old son to boot??

I need to work on accepting this alot better in order to move on. What have some others on here done that have helped?