Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[WhatNow]

Ya know I think you are doing great newmama.

I am concerned tho. And this is 98% projecting my own sitch.
Think about this:
Is it possible that H now feels he has the best of both worlds, and is able to keep both women happy?

I know it is akin to mind-reading but I see a permanent situation developing here. Maybe it is time to change up some things? Maybe go into spock mode instead of cheerful nm?

[4luv]

I kind of agree with WhatNow. I can see how husband might be starting to get comfortable. Are you ready for NC...similar to what Allen suggested for mb28. Arrange to have a babysitter and have your husband take the baby with him instead of lingering at your house. He has the best of both worlds right now. Its your call though because I know how difficult it is with a young baby.

[flowmom]

I wonder what would happen if you acted like you've started a very discreet R that is taking up your time and making you less available to him. Suddenly there aren't any leftovers because someone else is eating his dinner! You're distracted and can't focus on your WH. You're getting texts from someone else. Flowers occasionally appear.

Just brainstorming here. Confused=good. Comfortable=not necessarily what you want to continue for much longer. But what do I know??

[newmama]

but I see a permanent situation developing here

I hear you all! BUT I haven't told you that I won't do this forever and I would love to hear of a real life example where the WH continued this for ever (in the U.S. and the BW accepted it) lol! I doubt it! Unless it was in The Sopranos!

I really am cherishing all the time I get to have with S- 7 days per week. He was just born 8 months ago. If we divorce, I won't get him 7 days. So I kinda want to continue seeing him as long do you get that it? :-)

However, the LATEST I would wait before going NC is August because I go back to work. To me, as I have said several times, NC=willing to divorce. FOR MY SITCH-not everyone!:-)
So when I am ready to face the possibility of divorce, I will go NC.

My senses are telling me something is up with WH...not in a bad way. Don't know anything else!

Again, I do not want to go NC

[newmama]

maynard, please direct me to the location of Allen's post about signs that the wayward spouse wants to R!

[newmama]

yikes I sounded really defensive. Sorry. I do need to hear all opinions.

Now as for doing something different I kind of have been and won't share but Flowmom knows!

Let's just say I have an innocent distraction!

[newmama]

yikes August is 5 months away...maybe July? 4 months? S will be 1.

[jasper67]

it's posted in "how to expose the A"

BUT people in affairs and even who are just wayward and sad will ASSUME the WORST and JUMP to conclusions...

waywards are

Impulsive
Negative
Cynical
Moody
Presumptuous
Angry
Miserable
Flighty
Erratic

Etc... these behaviours in my opinion and people showing them are NOT in a place to make ANY decisions about their marriage, I think the BEST thing for them is to EXPLORE their marriage again under the safe guidance of a GOOD FT.

Far too often they DON'T go to counselling when feeling like this, they find a female "friend" who has a shoulder to cry on...

You know the rest...

[jasper67]

Oh, sorry this is a list of attributes of waywards...not sure about when waywards want to R.

Bear in mind when they are "trying" these attributes are common as well.

[4luv]

awww...no worries newmama. I understand how we all have to do things on our own time. I probably should have moved out and back with my parents A LONG TIME AGO. As I look back I can say that I should've moved out sooner due to some of husbands' behavior but I wasn't ready. I moved when I felt good about it and now I don't have any regrets because I did it on my time, when I was comfortable with the possibility that me moving might mean that it was one step closer to divorce. Don't want divorce but it had to sink in FOR ME that my current situation wasn't going anywhere.

BTW, my son turns 1 in mid-April :-) We both had very eventful years in 2009 :-)