The thing is, WS's can pursue us when they want to, but if WE pursue THEM they get in a panic and HIDE
Yes, this is essentially controlling the situation, when tehy want to be close, they can be close, when they want to be distant, they be distant.. what the ABandoned spouse wants to them is worth ZERO. lol
Why are they controlling things? THeir mental state. When people get depresse, angry, anxious, frustrated, confused, lost, and all that other stuff... their impulses take over and their impulse is to CONTROL things to keep them from turning into a nightmare...
So they shut down and control as much as they can in hopes this will help contain their overwhelming emotions...
Its a symptom of their mental state.
So, ya, he can come out and test waters when he wants to, and he can hide back on the safe island he's building for himself if he watns to..he's perfetly incontrol of his lifestyle that way... no accountability or responsaiblity for how anyone else feels
During the FOG spouses will NOT remember much.. they will say and do a lot of things and later on they will have no idea...
Your dad may be able to enlighten you on some stories about how addicts do this allt eh time.. they go on a ride with their addiction and a few months later they have no idea where they've been or what they've been doing...
It's again a symptom of the mental state that his memory isn't working well.
I honeslty don't think it had much weight on his chioce to go distant again no...
But yes, using pet names for yoru WS is pursuing... blantant pursuit really... and it doen'st work as you know well by now... it happens...we all do it .. its a constant battle
JUst keep the contact to a minimum otherwise he's cake eating, and yes in this case you are the cake. lol
I think when you made a point of apologizing for the "slip" that was you taking a marriage reading as well.... which again is pursuit... testing your WS for where their commitment level is at with you is pursuit... and they do NOT take well to that...
I know it was an apology, but I suspect you wanted to find out hwo he FELT about being called a PN... which IS taking a Marriage Reading...
NOT good to do directly.. DO IT, but do it indirectly...
