WAH in MLC with PA

[flowmom]

DG, hugs to you. It can feel like every new piece of information from the WAH is a new bomb going off that triggers the feelings of devastation and hopelessness.

I just ordered this book:

The Journey From Abandonment To Healing by Susan Anderson. Hoosiermama recommended it and I got it. It is really good. Very helpful and hopeful.

Glad you're finding it helpful.

What flowmom is describing is discussed in the book as "internalizing the rejection." It's a necessary step in the process of healing--and it's temporary. Just as there are identifiable stages of grief after a death or many other losses, there's also an identifiable journey thru stages of grief after being left by someone you love. For me, it's been extremely helpful to know that while I periodically revisit the "internalizing" stage, that my thoughts and feelings while I am there will pass, and are part of my own internal processing--and not necessarily "reality." WE are not defective, "less than," worthless just because we may have been told that. Eventually you'll get in touch with your anger and rage and that energy will carry you away from this negative self-perception. This stage is a way of "embracing the suck," grasping how much our world has changed in a way we didn't want it to. And if we don't want to come back to this stage over and over and over for the rest of our lives, we have to feel this awful pain in order to move out of it again.

Remember that regarding the D, it's not something that your H will be able to do by himself. It's a process and he is living in a dream world.

Him leaving for a while will be hard on your kids but it will be good for YOU. It gives you a chance to solidify, GAL, and make the changes that you need to make to feel strong enough to deal with him when he comes back.

I'm going to see a lawyer as soon as I figure out who. Have you seen one? You need to deal with that ASAP. At this point you cannot afford to be in an information vaccuum about how D works. You need someone in your corner.