Nowawake, I am a bit confused by the wording of your question. But maybe this will help:
My H grew distant from me for about 1 and 1/2 yrs prior to his leaving me. When He left me he said "ILYBINILWY"straight to my face. I didnt believe him - it was definetely the MLC talking. He talked that way (spewing MLC crap) to me for about a year - It would hurt - but I always never deep down really believed his words. I knew that what we had was not just a waste. I knew that his MLC was brought about by his bankruptcy and had nothing to do with me. I had to just accept it.
My H and I have been back together for almost 2 years and living together again for a little over a year now. Every now and then I will still hear some of his MLC aftermath Spew. But it is mostly due to drinking or stress. Every now and again - i will still hear his cries for freedom and exicetment and rebellion - but I am no longer freaking out from it. I just accept that he is SOOOOO much of an Individual and hates anything being in control of him in anyway. Most of the time he doestn spew at all anymore. But I do here tid bits at times. I think my H and I have truely weathered this storm and have made it out on the other side stronger.
I personally still have a lot of insecurities and hurt and pain caused from this MLC> but I am still recovering in so many ways. I am not completely healed - and I dont know if I ever will be. I am so awake and aware now and I live inside my mind so much more than I ever thought possible. I have to try to work on venting to my H more now. I feel like over these past few years I have started to keep things inside more than ever due to a knowledge that I cant control him so why bother telling my opinion anymore.... I know its not good....I have to work on that.
But, the rest has been a complete blessing. Getting the love of my life back, rebuilding our relationship, buying a new house together and fixing it up, just to name a few.
At times I wanted to give up DBing - it was hard - and not always natural at all. I wasnt sure how much I was compromising or acting like a doormat - but every choice was different and as long as I didnt feel walked all over - I stuck with it. I think the focus though really has to be on making your self stronger, more attractive, more out going, spontaneaous and fun. If you do that - its hard for anyone not to stop and look at you.
Let me know if this helps, or maybe reword your Question so I understand more of what info I can help with. TIPPER
