I do not understand, he is upset that you ignore speaking with him about the relationship, divorce, and have not been wearing his weeding ring? Not getting it.
dburt- I don't get it either. It's like he wants me to be mad with everything that has happened in the past few months. My ignoring the "situation" is what pisses him off. Mind you he has come home over and over during these times and has not said anything except for a varation of:
"I don't know what I was thinking" "I love you..." "you must love me" "can you forgive me?"
you get the picture, he is all over the map. But he also doesn't bring up our "relationship" either. Hmmm, why is it my fault and why does he get mad at me?
M 35, husband 35 M 10 Limbo 9/2009-12/2010 he left for his moms and came home way to many times to count Home 12/2010-present
Take back control. If he lashes out at you, just say, "stop, I will not be spoken to that way. If you would like to discuss something we can, but if you cannot lower your voice and speak to me respectfully then I will leave." Then if he gives you more of the same, leave.
He didn't yell at me... but he did raise his voice a couple of times and I did tell him not to. He acts like he doesn't want to talk about anything at all. To him it is a done deal. Our marriage is "broken" and there is no trust in his opinion. He wants me to agree to these conclusions he has come up with. I refuse to agree. I do think things are definately not good, but I believe that a marriage is forever and that we can make it work and get past this difficult time. He doesn't. He just wants out and he wants me to agree. He refuses to seek any counseling for our marriage (or the depression I am convinced he is suffering from).
M 35, husband 35 M 10 Limbo 9/2009-12/2010 he left for his moms and came home way to many times to count Home 12/2010-present
Quit trying to get him to seek "help" this is pursuing, he has to "fix" himself on his own, you cannot make him do anything, and when you try he runs for the door.
When he is pressuring you to make a decision on his proposal, just tell him to write something up and you will let your lawyer look at it.
He does not think you will not protect yourself does he?
I know he will not get help until he is ready to. Why would he want to get help now anyway? He is living his fantasy, care free life at his Mom's. He pretty much has no responsibility there and he can see and talk with the OW. Life is good for him....in the non-real world.
In case you couldn't tell, I am bitter and just pissed that he is doing this. I'm not sure where his rational thinking is. If he does bring up divorce again, I will tell him to write something up and I will show it to my lawyer. I don't know if he thinks I will or will not protect myself. This might scare him some or maybe just piss off his fantasy life
M 35, husband 35 M 10 Limbo 9/2009-12/2010 he left for his moms and came home way to many times to count Home 12/2010-present
Time to act "as if" and getting a life for yourself. You cannot control him or his actions or anything else about him, only control what you can control and that is yourself.
Hey, my wife and I are together and happy. Now about 14 months after D-day. But hey, I still taste that bitterness every now and then that she would threaten my family. I can forgive however, and I have, but I will never forget it.
I know I cannot control him. Although part of me thinks he wants me to shake him and wake him up. A couple of months ago I told him that I couldn't tell him what to do and never could. He laughed and said that I always could tell him and he just sort of stared at me like he was waiting for me to tell him again.... anyway, enough. Now I am going to just that and act "as if".
Are you really together with your wife again after being divorced? I do think we can forgive and forget for periods of time but you never forget completely. My husband would not agree with this...he is again looking for reasons on why we should be divorced.
M 35, husband 35 M 10 Limbo 9/2009-12/2010 he left for his moms and came home way to many times to count Home 12/2010-present
I feel it is a pretty normal feeling for the walk away spouse to have no responsibility or be somewhere with no responsibility. For me, my H left me with our S, which I would not have any other way, and did not see him or call to check up on him consistently and still doesn't, or pay any child support for the first 5 months. He finally started paying when he moved back in for 2 weeks.
It is important to stop focusing on him and to focus on you. The more you focus on you and you being happy, the more he will wonder and be drawn in.
Me29 S3 H left 4/1/09 I file 8/2/10 Divorce final 5/17/11 1st http://www.tinyurl.com/25lhu52 2nd http://www.tinyurl.com/2c35ueg 3rd http://www.tinyurl.com/322yk89
Sorry, wrong one, I meant the bomb, she said she wanted a D, did not want to work on it, I never loved you, I hate being around you, We can be friends, blah, blah blah. See I cannot forget, but forgiveness is a gift to myself.
