I am not a master at this DB thing but I am a woman. My instinct as a woman to your question above is to not be available to talk. Right now you need to give your wife space EVEN if she initiates the talk. Especially if she approaches you saying "ready to talk to me." Heck no, if you happen to be around the house say now is not a good time you were on your way out and then get dressed and go do something (gym, coffee shop, SOMETHING!). When a woman wants to talk, WE TALK AND WE START THE CONVERSATION! Women LOVE TO TALK :-) and we basically know that MEN HATE TO TALK.
Also, you need to start your therapy sessions ASAP!
Last edited by 4luv; 03/08/1003:17 PM.
Me: 28 H: 32 1st marriage 4 both 1 1/2 year married 2gether for 9 1S: 6months 1stepson: 2yo
I crossed posted with Allen OIN. Follow his advice regarding talking to your wife but my advice is still ONLY if YOUR WIFE BRINGS UP THE CONVERSATION and she starts the talking FIRST.
Me: 28 H: 32 1st marriage 4 both 1 1/2 year married 2gether for 9 1S: 6months 1stepson: 2yo
Say if I do laundry and I wash her work uniform...would that be considered being courteous or pursuing?
I listen to what she has told and I know she has said the other day when she left for work 140 min early that she did not want to be in the house. It just appears she is depressed when she is home. Would it be pursuit to say "It's a nice day out want to take the dog for a walk/ride?" If i is OK to ask such a question I don't know when an opportune time would be because all she does is sleep most of the time when she is home.
I do have materials to read, that's is how I found this message board. Besides DB and DR what other books would any of you recommend?
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
Doing the laundry that's THERE, you aren't pursuing, you are just being a good husband... ASKING her if she wants something cleaned is pursuing
Just cleaning what's THERE in the laundry room is all you need to do.
You invite her to walk teh dog with you? GOOD GOD MAN... can't you SEE that's pusuit? It's BLATANT pursuit.. why not ask her to renew your vows while shes' there?
LEAVE her ALONE
SHe NEEDS therapy, but she is NOT giong to GO until YOU do.. got it? If you want HER to act like an adult, you need to SET a GOOD EXAMPLE of it... and STOP PURSUING HER.. that is NOT adult behaviour, its childish and is NOT helping you
RE-Read divorce remedy... if you can't see inviting her to walk the dog is pursuit you didn't read that text carefully
Read Not Just Friends as well
I will see if I can find a few more titles for you
You are very insistent that you know how to treat a wife. But I don't see a thread anywhere where you tell us about your home life. Are you still married? Is your wife happy? How did you become an expert in human relations?
The fear of "pursuing" has grown to enormous proportions here. It used to be bringing flowers, begging and pleading. Now your definition includes any conversation with the wife at all. Don't be ridiculous!
The point has been made and bears repeating....men are not experts on what women want. Conversation is not pursuing behavior. Conversation is human interaction. And communication is the key to marriage. Yes, the reason your marriage is in trouble is because of communication failures.
Want to know what she likes about OM? She told you. He talks to her! He likes to talk to her. He listens to what she says. Is he so good at talking to his own wife at home? Probably not.
No woman ever fell in love with a man who didn't talk to her. I am a woman. I am intrinsically better qualified to talk about what a woman wants. And I can tell you that if she wants to talk to her husband, he'd better be ready to LISTEN. Not walk away!
