Hi THA I am in a similar position. H is 38. I am 34. We do not have children which makes it a bit easier on me each day.
I am also dealing with an OW and the waffling that your H is demonstrating. One minute you feel like they are back and the next...you are sitting across from a complete stranger. My H is seeing an IC right now. We believe he is suffering from something- just not sure if it is just depression or something else. With all of the financial issues you are having..I am sure that your H is depressed over this. I don't know if your H's erratic behavior is caused by depression or because he is still continuing his A with the OW... or possibly a combination of both.
My H would cry and want to come back and then be distant. His IC told him that he is unahppy in his life...and to not place blame on his marriage or me. I would stop blaming yourself. Nobody is perfect in a marriage....and nothing you have done warrants your H to break his commitment and have an A. It is cowardly and immature. Stop trying to make up for your past mistakes...I have been getting some good advice on here.. on my post and reading others...I think some tough love may be in order.
He knows he has you..when you show some signs of detachment...he sucks you right back in again. I think you need to hold your ground...no threats..no divorce papers..just try to stay with little contact. Whether his A is still going on or if there is something else happening here...I don't know. But he will continue this waffling for as long as YOU let him.
