In regards to my father...I don't know. I have tried to get my dad to form a relationship with my husband which he was before all this started to happen. I am an only child and my dad does not take kindly to anyone treating me bad. My dad is VERY PROTECTIVE of his family. He has always sad that what should make a man happy is that his wife and children are happy.
This is a terribly powerful influence you need to tap into if you want your husband to turn around... Your dad sounds like he has very much grown up. This is EXACTLY the kind of MAN your Husband should be hanging OUT with... His position on these matters is downright inspiring... great stuff
Have you tried to explain to him that infidelity is an addiction as much as gambling is an addiction? Is that his position on addicts is to just leave them drown with no help or advice?
Yes, that's rhetorical, I don't expect he does that... and ys I also understand this is different, i actually admire your father, if I had a daughter your age and a man treated her the way your H is treating you I would ahve taken a baseball bat to him by now... I admire your father's restraint, its model behaviour.. you should be very proud of him
Originally Posted By: 4luv
This is his motto so its hard for my dad to even sympathize or show anything towards my husband right now other than hurt, anger, and disappointment. I tried to tell my dad to keep in contact with my husband for some guidance but my dad just thinks I should stop thinking about husband and let him deal with his own mess. How do I convince my dad otherwise?
You will need to forgive me here, I am giong to apologize in advance, but I am going to take a SMALL stab at your father here :
Your father and your H are behaving the same way. They are both being stubborn and AVOIDING the responability of protecting YOU properly becuase it HURTS them TOO MUCH to protect you.
Your FATHER CAN protect his daughter better by getting this addict the counselling he needs, either by HIM or presumably anotehr counselor he may know... HELPING your H OVERCOME his addiction is how he PROTECTS his daughter... Your father is being stubborn and AVOIDING this because its too PAINFFUL for him to watch
Your HUSBAND CAN protect his wife better by sending the OW away and putting an END to his addiction.. ENDING is AFFAIR is how he PROTECTS his wife... Your Husband is being stubborn and AVOIDING this because its too PAINFUL for him to watch
Do you see the parallel here? typed the structure of hte paragraphs out closely so you should be able to see it
I suspect your father is limited in two ways :
1. He does NOT view infidelity as an addiction, he thinks your H can just walk away from it easily 2. He finds dealing with this is way too personal and painful for him so he HIDES from it
How do you convince him?
Well, lets look at the two points
1. Educate him on infidelity, give him a COPY of Not Just Friends and ask him to read it.. does he work with jsut drug addicts and such or does he work with impulse control disorers like gambling as well? Eduation is the answer to the first one.. get your F educated about infidelity as much as you can.
2. If its too painful for him... He needs to know three things :
a. You LOSING your husband and the father of your children will HURT YOU a LOT more than how HE feels right now. If your F wants tosee you happy, he needs to edure that pain and help you get yoru marriage back... If HE wants to be happy, his kids need to be happy right? And his kids are happy when their MARRIAGES are happier.. his own logic fixed against him.. there ya go. lol
b. He needs to focus on YOUR pain rather than HIS... he's again doing the same thing as your husband, he's focussing mroe on how miserable HE is and is doing DAMAGE by standing out of it instead of walkign forward and dealing with your H to help him through this mess safely... it WILL HURT HIM, but that hurt he endures will make his CHIDREN happier
c. Your father doens't have to do it himself, he just needs someone educated in infidelity and addiction to sit with your H and talk him back to his senses... get him to man up etc... I ASSUME your father has CONNECTIONS in this area ... connections your HUSBAND can BENEFIT FROM. Your father does NOT have to do this on his own any more than yoru Husband does.... get some HELP that is objective, that fine too...
