Well, the FT is the safe place right now... mb28 needs to just remain distant... warm, but unavailable.. like a tropical island... but the FT has the plane tickets...
YES, I'm worth it!!! Thanks Allen. I just wish he could have hope like I do. I wish I make his see it and I know that is the fix-it-addict/controller in me.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
YOU just need to be teh example of hope, be the wife he wants you to be... ust do NOT be AVAILABLE to him...
You be a good mom, wife, a good person while he watches... do NOT let him contact you.. just keep doing what you're doing and he will want to come back... but he has to go to a GOOD FT to do that.
I was thinking that if he IS stuck on this FT you might want to see if you can get an appointment with her too.. to size her up... waht do you thinik?
I don't at ALL like that two days after talkign to her all he had to say was that you two were destructive to each other and went to a lawyer for paperowrk... that is NOT indicattive of a GOOD FT... but... it may be advantagoius of you to find out mroe aobut this woman...
Right now she's ONLy hearing HIS side of your marriage...
My current class is ending tomorrow and then I have a 2 week break from school. So I'll have a little extra time to research FT for myself. I don't think it's a good idea for me to go to his therapist, I think that would make it so he wouldn't go back. I'm worried too about what he said and did after his first session with her. He hasen't seen her again, but will be this Friday.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
OK, ya, if you can find a better one that you think he would go to.. that's best...
I really don't see why he won't go to the same one as you... it's VERY hard for a therapist to HELP a couple when tehy only hear ONE of the spouses ya know?
This is frustrating... let me work on it.. I don't know why he's playing this avoidance game with the therapists...
It MAY be the case that he's admitting his affair in secret to HER and he doesnt' want her telling you.. that's my first guess as to why he won't go to the same one as you
NOT GOOD!!!!!!!!! Huge backslide on my part. I was so emotional today, and ended up calling my H to tell him how much I miss him. I asked if he really didn't see any hope for us and he replied "No, I don't". I knew as I was doing this it was wrong, dam emotions. He went on to say that neither of us can live like this anymore, so we need to just move on and end it. I was so upset, I had to leave work. I hate that this OW has that much control over him. He haden't talked to her hardly at all last week, and that's when things were going well. But he talked to her this weekend, and now he is back to "We just need to end it" and then I make it worse by having a melt down with him on the phone.
I'm so afraid to do the NC 100%, but I think it's my only option at this point. I'm thinking of sending him an email that says something like:
Dear H, Divorce is not my choice and that is not what I want. I do think we have a marriage worth saving, and I would really like us to try together. However, you have made your choice to head in the other direction. And this situtation is huring both of us and is not heatlhy. I think it's best that we don't have any contact of any kind until you have made up your mind. If we need to contact each other about the kids, we can have your mom be our messenger between us.
Please advice on wether I should send something like this or not.
Also, for those of you on here that have truly done the NC, please tell me what I can expect. Will this push my H to file those papers? I need some hope, if this is really the right thing to do.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
