What you have there is good newmama... its more or less what I typed earlier, but yours is written much cleaner... I always write in a hurry and it never comes out right... I just wish this forum would give you an indefinite amount of time to edit your post! lol
Allen I hope you don't mind but I quoted what you said about affairs being creepy! So funny and true! Your sense of humor does come out once in awhile :-) lol
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
OK I see how you could be serious but this cracks me up: "A date is romantic. An affair is CREEPY!"
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
well my spouse is having an A so hearing it described in such a sleazy way actually makes me feel better- ok t/j over Shasha!! Sorry!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Yes, crime is additive too... its a QUICK solution to a financial probelm... you MAY get away with it for a WHILE, but eventually you get CAUGHT or the peole you are working with screw you over and you end up dead... its NOT a healthy lifestyle anymore than an affair is...
Hello DB family just thought I'd stop by and give an update. I really wanna focus on the advice that Allen A gave to me about when contacting my husband and the importance of NOT making light conversation, etc
Well, when I contacted my husband I took Allen's advice and I was serioius. I told him how much I wanted marriage and how much I wanted to be married to him. I explained how divorce are for people who give up and I felt like our marriage was worth fighting for. I reiterated the changes I made in reference to the OM and that I am willing to give a 30 day notice to move so that he would feel comfortable coming to visit me when he returned home.
Long story short my husband told me NOT to move on his account or for our marriage and to stay in my apartment. He also went on to say he would be moving back home in a few days, etc and then rushed me off the phone because he was at work. I understood so I texted him and asked him when would be a good time to finish our conversation...He NEVER responded. I even called him again and left another vm and he NEVER responded so I waited a few days and called him that weekend only for him to further avoid me. I finally got him on the phone and asked him what happened and that I really wanted to finish talking with him.
He said that he had been busy etc and then rushed me off the phone and HUNG up in my face. I was utterly devastated and lost for words.
A few days later we had a earthquake at 4:30 in the morning and I immediately thought about him and if he was okay even though I was still hurt and confused by the way he'd been treating me. Nevertheless, I called him and he answered. I asked him was he okay and he said YES and then he IMMEDIATELY went into apology mode from hanging up on me. He said that he was in Las Vegas hanging out with his family and that he wanted to say that he was sorry for hanging up on me and that he had been thinking about me a lot and he just wanted to say sorry.
I said ok....and I wished him a good day. That was on 3/16. Please keep in mind he officially moved back to LA on 3/15 and still has not reached out to me to say anything. Today is his birthday and I texted him Happy B-day and he actually responded back and said thank u! Nothing more.
Per Allen A, I really feel tested. I do love him and am hanging in there but it is a huge slap in the face that he hasn't bothered to reach out to me. Part of me feels like maybe our marriage was over before the A and it is easier for him to hide behind the A instead of just saying, I DON'T want to be with you anymore.
He never even wanted to return my call or responded to any of my texts to continue our conversation about our marriage. He's also shared with mutual friends that he's moved on with his life and that he was hurt by some things (the OM), etc.
That being said the OM has resorted to writing letters to me and asking to see me, saying he misses me, he's willing to wait for me, etc. Although I want nothing more than my marriage to work sometimes I feel like maybe I should've just worked things out with the OM since my husband clearly either has moved on or could care less about me.
I am remaining strong and have a great faith but as of now it is what it is.
Sasha, do you really think OM has the maturity to make a marriage work?
He TRASHED yours from your perception at the moment beyond repair and you want to go to HIM?
HE should be the LAST person on EARTH you would give any consideration to, he had NO RESPECT for your MARRIAGE
Good to hear from you btw :0
Yup, he is testing you. It hurts doesn't it? To keep trying to love someone only to have them push you away?
You should take a crack at what a lot of other posters here have to put up with .. not ONLY are they getting pushed away but their HUSBAND or WIFE is having SEX with someone ELSE... would you try under THOSE conditions?
Really imagine your husband out there having sex with another woman, lying to you about it, and you keep trying to work on your marriage.. could you handle that?
Just trying to give you some perspective. Sasha, you don't have kids yet it sounds like, but a word to the wise, your husband's current test is NOTHING compared to the tests your children will give you.. particularly when they hit teenager years.
Keep working on him. I would move out anyways. He is hurt clearly... but he is trying to come out of the rut he's in and be a human being. This sort of hurt takes time to heal.
And question.
You said your OM is writing you letters?
Why on EARTH are you allowing them and reading them?
Wow
If they are EMAIL, you need to get a NEW EMAIL ADDRESS
If they are written snail mail letters - SEND THEM BACK UNOPENED... do NOT READ them.. just send them back so he can see that you don't want to hear from a man that may have ruined your marriage permanently.
Are you hiding these letters? What did you do with them? What if you invite your H to your place he actually comes by there and he SEES those LETTERS hunh?
Don't read them, just send them back.
Has this guy even apologized for the mess he has made of your marriage? Has he ANY IDEA how much it hurts to experience infidelity on the marital level?
I'm not sure exactly WHY I'm reading them and yes they are snail mail letters. After I read them I put them away.
I can only wish I could invite my husband over and he accepts. However, I seriously doubt that would happen in this lifetime.
No the OM never apologized for destroying my marriage. He feels like since i had already left home that i wasn't cheating and that since my husband RARELY called me or was even concerned about me that he didn't want the marriage anyways.
Since I have NOT responded to the OM letters he has stopped. The calls eventually stopped, the emails have stopped, so the letters will completely stop also.
I must admit however that the way my husband is treating me now is somewhat how he treated me during our marriage, ie putting his family first, not spending quality time with me, and disconnected to how I feel.
I know that what I did was wrong with the OM but if in fact my huband truly wants to move on, why even lead me on. I've been getting mixed signals since January. I often feel like this affair is convenient for him to get out of a marriage that maybe he didn't want. Not to say the A doesn't hurt him BUT maybe underneath it all he really doesn't want to be married.
Only time will tell but I can tell you that I haven't even seen him take baby steps. As soon as he takes one step forward he takes 20 back. I know I must endure this because I am the reason we are NOT together. I know that my love is being tested but if this is how it's going to be all the way up until divorce court. I mise well go into a depression and watch everything wither away!
