I don't understand the whole loan thing, but when it comes right down to it, if the loan is in both your father's and your X's names, it's between the two of them. He can sue her, doesn't make you look any better or worse. Just someone who wants their money. Don't get involved if you don't have to. Simply tell your father if he wants his money, he's going to have to do something himself and you will not be a go-between. However, if your name is on it, that's a different story and you need to decide how to handle that tactfully.
Me: 26 Ex: 27 Son: 5
Divorced: 3/2010 Each day is another opportunity to do it right.
The only reason I mentioned that Maynard is because you need to be around people who will advise and support you. People who will help you rebuild yourself and whack you over the head when you step out of line.
With that said I firmly believe that you put some boundaries up with your folks too. And you need to understand that they too are hurt. A normal human reaction is to stay away from the source of the hurt (think hot stove plate).
You've started getting a life and that's good. Now you need to completely distance yourself from disruptive forces e.g. SIL, MIL, WAW etc. Your path is to get yourself healthy, strong and confident again. Anything that deviates you from that path should be avoided.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
Thanks GNO- I was speaking w/ my boss about some different issues as well.
I do need to establish some boudaries w/ my parents b/c a big issue w/ me personally is the influence they have over my life and my decisions.
Sadly- my father is normally correct, but I do not feel like much of a man b/c of the influence he has over me.
It does feel alot better to not engage W, MIL, etc- I know I will have to deal w/ them w/in the next week due to them moving there things from the house.
I will take advice given to me and have someone there w/ me- to avoid any possible backslides.
I do need to establish some boudaries w/ my parents b/c a big issue w/ me personally is the influence they have over my life and my decisions.
Separate your personal issues from resentment. A man will listen to all the advice he receives, weigh the pro's and con's of all of it and then make a decision and stick to it.
Originally Posted By: maynard2121
Sadly- my father is normally correct, but I do not feel like much of a man b/c of the influence he has over me.
Then start listening more closely to your father. Do not resent his wisdom. He has seen more of life and its pitfalls than you have. There are a lot of things you can learn from him -- and you know he has your best interests at heart. Sometimes parents say the right things but in the wrong way. Try discern what he is telling you and ignore the medium (e.g. condescending tone etc) that he uses to deliver the message.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can learn something from everyone around you -- if you look for it.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
Maynard. Perhaps one of the journeys you are undertaking is growing up and becoming a man. As you gain more and more control of your life you will accept and take on more responsibilities. You will know that when you made a mistake that you can state that you were wrong and correct the issue and learn from it.
This will change the dynamics in your relationship with your father.
I am going to recommend that you begin to treat this relationship as a Man to Man relationship and start to show him actions instead of words. They see their child hurting and not advancing so they act like parents to a child. It is natural.
The money issue. Offer your advice to your dad on his choices then end the conversation that you leave it in his capable hands to handle.
I would also recommend that you take everything she is moving out and move it into the garage. That way it can be taken from there and not from the house.
It will be a difficult day. Ground yourself. And you will be tested. You will end up alone for a few minutes. It is at this brief seconds in that you will have to make a choice.
The question is very simple.
Am I in control of my life?
IF your answer is NO. Then you know that this is your only purpose in life. Control.
If your answer is Yes. Then begin then to control your life, right at that moment. You will have the most important one way conversation that you have ever had. And the first foundation in your new life.
This is what is coming up Maynard. There is nothing you can do to prepare for this moment except clean your head and exercise. Make sure you exercise before she arrives. Feed off that good workout of the body on your soul.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
You are absolutely right about my father being in parenting mode right now. Sadly, I have been far too emotional and counter-productive in the way I've handled things. I do, however, not want him to dictate where I go from here.
That being said- I do need to establish control in my life- something I have had for many years now, but have not kept my impulse in check due to poor coping skills in this sitch.
As for the one way conversation- not sure what you mean, but hopefully I will find myself having it.
Feeling pretty good this morning. Not focusing too much on my sitch. NC still in effect. Haven't heard anythig from W regarding her move, I think it is finalized 3/14.
Have't spoken to parents they are in N Carolina for my Uncle...wish I were there.
GAL-ing during the week is not something I am good at doing...tonight I hit a meeting w/ my friend so that will e a little different. Still waiting to get in w/ my Dr. for some medication to help me w/ my lows.
maynard, I guess I should tell you that I'm studying to be in the pharmaceutical field and leave it as easy to figure out as that. Hate revealing too much about myself online. Anyway, after reading through the side effects and how these medications work, I would say that you'd be better off with chocolate cake three times a day.
Without going too much in detail (I just typed a bunch and decided to delete it), I feel like what you're going through is normal and these types of medications aren't a quick fix. It takes about 2-3 weeks to BEGIN working, and then when you feel "better" you can't just drop them; you have to gradually step down off of them or risk dangerous side effects (some even physical symptoms like muscle spasms). Then there's all those crazy side effects when you ARE on them: disorientation, memory lapses, dizziness, drowsiness, suicidal thoughts, etc.
Just promise me you'll think about what I'm saying here and discuss it with your doctor. Even when my doctor offered to put me on "low dose" anti-D's, I had an episode where I was driving my S5 down the road and suddenly had to pull over and ask S5 where we were going. My son became the parent and I became the child... that's never right.
Again, it's possible that you do suffer from some sort of depression or even bi-polar (I'm not a doctor, can't diagnose) that isn't caused by these external factors, so please do tell your doctor what's going on and discuss it with him.
Me: 26 Ex: 27 Son: 5
Divorced: 3/2010 Each day is another opportunity to do it right.
