It's complicated but it's mine #28

[kat727]

Strange weekend. My parents anniversary was Friday but I was taking the boys to spend the night Saturday so gave them their card and present then. Went through a bunch of the girls clothes on Saturday and found a huge amount to pass on to my boss's grandaughters. Anything they didn't want I said they could donate.

Had bookclub yesterday. We had a good book but it had a great twist. It dealt with mental illness and how fragile personalities can just fall on that side when dealing with things. One of the womwn asked how could she deal with this trauma. I spoke up and said, "You put it in a box, lock it up and hide it waaaay back in the closet, just like I did." they all know a bit of what I went through. Then she said so you easily could have fallen into something like this.

Truth be told I suppose so. I can't look at my entire childhood at once as it wasn't a happy one and there is a lot of pain there. I don't blame anyone for it. I think if I had been a different sort of child it may have been worse. I was a little grown up stuck in a child's body and life. I can pull out memories left and right without a problem. I just choose the better memories.

As for now, I know I can't look at the 21 years I spent with my ex. I can pull out memories of the kids no problem but the bits with ex are sort of like him fading from the picture(think Back to the Future). I don't feel like I am hiding but just know what my limits are for now.

I mentioned coming here and how I hope I am helping others deal with all of this while I am still dealing with my own stuff. It was suggested that I stay away from here and just move on. I feel this site still helps me too. So I am here for now.


Like I said, strange weekend.

kat