How do I expose the affair

[4luv]

Another convo with H last night. It was pretty much the same thing as Fri night. However, this time he started crying which is not like my H at all. Again here are some things he said:

H: It's hopeless, I have no hope that it will ever work
H: I'm broken, and I don't know if I'll ever be ok
H: I can't come back, yet I can't seem to let go
H: I'm hurting you and you will resent me for it, that is why it will never work.
H: I've buitl this wall around me, and I don't know if it will ever come down.

Again, I didn't get emotional, I validated some points and gave no response to others. And then I ended the convo instead of him.

This makes me feel sad for your husband and mine. My husband has said the EXACT same things. I just hate the fact that we live in a society that would allow people in this state of mind to get a divorce. Its like allowing an addict to make life changing decisions before they get clean. My dad has been a drug and alcohol abuse counselor for 30 years and I am starting to recognize some of the same behavior. Its like an addict wants to stop using so bad but the hardest part is for them to face the damage they've caused to the people that they love. Continuing to use the drugs is less painful than stopping and cleaning up the damage even though in the long term the drugs/alcohol will do the most damage. They either die from drug/alcohol use or they will EVENTUALLY have to face up and sadly most of the time its when they have no one left around them.

I am starting to see how affairs are just as addictive in the sense that it alters your thinking. I really pray for all the spouses on this board. When my husband was talking to my dad and telling him how stressed out and confused he has been, my dad told him the line that he gives his addicts: "Secrets make you sick." It is so true. Not only do they make you sick but they also live you feeling the exact way your husband is describing mb28.

Keep doing what you are doing. Do not argue with your husband. I know the NC is hard to do (I am on day two) but as much as you can try not to talk to your husband too much. Just imagine your husband as lost in the woods and he has to find his way out. I feel that he is coming out real soon but you must be very careful not to interfere too much with his walk. He needs to hear some guidance and hope to continue the walk but not be scared of what is in front of him.