How do I approach this conversation? She is leading me to believe she wants to hear what I have to say but either way it wont change the outcome because she already has her mind setup. If I tell her how I really feel then I am pursuing her. How can I get across that I want this marriage to work without pressuring her or pushing her future away? I would feel more comfortable if she just spoke to me and tell me her feelings but right now they seem to be "I'm leaving still."
SOrry, i hand't answered this one.
She does NOT want to hear what you have to say, she just wants YOU to feel how miserable she is and to HELP her. BUt when you PURSUE ,you just UPSET her and make her feel WORSE... so DON'T DO IT. If you want this marraige to work "without pressuring her" then STOP PURSUING HER.. pursuit IS PRESSURE. Her feelings ARE that she wants to leave... she has the mistaken idea in her head that if she LEAVES her life will be better.
YOU NEED to become a better husband to SHOW her that leaving is a LESS DESIRABLE choice than staying...
Right now you WON'T LEAVE HER ALONE
What you need to do is the following :
1. Ask her outright, "what would you like me to do?" 2. If what she ASKS for is constructive, you DO IT, no questions asked. If she tells you to make breakfast, you DO IT. If she tells you to leave her alone, you DO IT. If she tells you to take the dog for a walk, you DO IT. If she tells you to go wash her car, you DO IT.
What you do NOT do, is anything like :
Go file for a divorce, I am done with you - do NOT do it Go pack my bags, I am leaving - do NOT do it Go find a lawyer and get the paperwork for Divorce ready - do NOT do it Go pack YOUR bags, YOU'RE leaving - do NOT do it
GOt it?
If she gives you something constructive to do, DO IT.. period.
If she tells you to leave OM alone :
"Any interaction I have with OM or his wife is to protect our marriage, I respect the commitment I made and I will do what I have to protect our marriage and I am not sorry for that. If there was a woman I was taklign to who was telling me to leave you I would expect YOU to do the same - protect our MARRIAGE FIRST. Our marriage comes first."
And you do NOT ARGUE on it... anything she says you jsut repeat that CALMLY and then you EXIT the room.
