The adventure chronicles

[AFWAW]

marriedCrazy,
Thanks for your thoughts. I keep telling myself that her words are just that--words. And you're right, I don't know what the counselor said.

As far as her understanding goes, well, I'm not sure she has any or very little for that matter. She still seems to get angry at times essentially reverting to her old self.

Thanks for your prayers!

[marriedCrazy]

fwiw, my W just tried to give me the let me back in 60 days or else ultimatum!

[MrBond]

You should go to a C session with her. She's probably telling the C everything that makes her look good. She's using it as justification for everything she's done so far.

Look at the sitches on these boards that have been successful. They involved both partners going to C to open up. It shouldn't be done in secrecy in your case especially since your W has been so erratic.

[AFWAW]

Hey GH31,
I read your sitch and have been checking in from time to time. You've put up with what seems quite a bit to deal with. There are some similarities too.

Originally Posted By: AFWAW
I have not pushed this issue but she keeps pushing for affection which I have given but have not gone overboard as I'm not ready to have my heart stomped on again.

My wife was exactly the same. She wanted me to caress her head and shoulders for hours and hours and hours, because it was "the only thing that gave her comfort".

Wow, that takes a lot of patience. I'm patient but not that much.

All of the above is a wind-up!!! She sounds so much like my wife. Mine will try anything to get me to feel guilty, confused, feeling like I'm to blame. I'm sure she does this because a person in this state is easier to control. I don't know if yours is the same and I hope she isn't.

I didn't think about it like this but it does make sense. I'm not that person anymore though and I think she's sensing that.


On a different note, my daughter(who turned 14 yesterday and has been caught up in this whole thing)reported to me that she saw my wife looking at apartments online yesterday? Something tells me that my hunches about her coming home due to financial issues and seeing my daughter are spot on. I think but am not certain that she is maybe not liking the fact that I don't or haven't caved to her demands since she's been back and maybe she's starting to regret her decision to come home?

I don't know. Should I confront her about surfing for apartments and that my daughter saw her?

Thoughts on this?

[PMA_Baby!]

Yes definitely. Like Puppy has said numerous times.
FULL DISCLOSURE is the ONLY thing that will BUILD TRUST.

She broke it NOT YOU.

PMA

[Gnosis]

Congratulations on your D's birthday AFWAW.

Something tells me that my hunches about her coming home due to financial issues and seeing my daughter are spot on.

One should listen to their gut...

I think but am not certain that she is maybe not liking the fact that I don't or haven't caved to her demands since she's been back and maybe she's starting to regret her decision to come home?

One should not mind read.

Should I confront her about surfing for apartments and that my daughter saw her?

What good would that do? What would you expect from that confrontation?

I don't think you should confront her at all. From the sound of your W she would just turn it around on you and blame you for leaving. In your sitch I'd sit tight for the rest of this month. Observe her but make no comment on this behavior. I suspect
her true colors and intentions will come out before the month is over.

Don't make any changes to your plans on moving out of state. Hold on to your boundaries for dear life... not dear wife. Suggest going to see her C and see what she says.

If your W likes to keep her options open then so should you. All I can say at this point is: if she slips up this last chance you have given her then I sure hope you can finally ditch the grinch.

Good luck AF

[AFWAW]

Well, this is not going as well as I thought it would. Real quick. It's going on 3 weeks now and my house is upside down. We've gotten rid of a lot of stuff and started painting as I told the wife I wanted to sell the house. She finally conceded to that.

She keeps bringing up money. Money, money, money, money. I finally told her it looked suspicious as to what her intentions were by coming home. I told her in no uncertain terms that we would not have our money together for a long time if ever and that I didn't appreciate that she kept bringing it up. I told her that she worked and I worked and that she could contribute to half of everything as would I. That's it, nothing more to talk about.

Another thing, my daughter. My wife and my daughter argue constantly. My wife is trying to control my daughter and my duaghter it appears is no longer afraid of my wife's ranting and raving. It's getting old. I've only stepped in once and told my wife that I would handle it. She started to argue with me but I didn't get excited just told her I would handle it. She backed off which leads me to me next thought.

I don't argue anymore with her--at all. I don't feel like it's worth my time and most of the things she wants to argue about are pointless.

Next, I found out the other day that I got promoted! Good stuff!!! This means I have to move somewhere else. The wife's first two questions after she said congrats were, what are you going to do with your raise and do you intend to take me with you? Furthermore, at my promotion party(which I invited her too)she looked very uncomfortable. When we got home she said that she didn't like being there and was I ashamed of her being there? I said, I invited you remember? She said, well, you didn't even say I looked pretty of anything. I said, are you kidding? Does everything have to be about you?

Which leaves me to my last thought. Everytime I look at my wife I either get angry or I get sad. I think I made a mistake by letting her come home. I deserve to be happy as does she. I just don't know how to proceed. Any thoughts?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Which leaves me to my last thought. Everytime I look at my wife I either get angry or I get sad. I think I made a mistake by letting her come home.

I do too.

Puppy

[Steve McQueen]

She said, well, you didn't even say I looked pretty of anything.

her trigger. if you dont or at least fake it, she will start looking for validation elsewhere.

[Gnosis]

Congratulations on the promotion AF.

It sounds like your own LBS fog is lifting and you're starting to see her for who she is now. This whole ordeal has changed you whether you like to admit it or not. You're beginning to see what a disruptive force she is on the harmony you have built up with your D. Carry on observing objectively. Watch her actions and she will reveal herself.

I'm divided on the idea of whether you made a mistake in letting her return. It was a mistake because you let her back too soon with little true change or commitment on her part. Perhaps it was not a mistake because you're getting a first-hand view of who she has become. This may help you achieve clarity to make an unbiased decision on how to proceed.

I know you've been doing a lot of thinking and you're battling your desires with what logic is telling you. Take some time to think about what YOU really want. List out your criteria of what you ideally expect from her, then evaluate each item and see if it is realistic or not.

Take your time and think LOGICALLY about it. Speak to your D. Observe your D and see if W's presence is affecting her adversely. You still have a lot of introspection to go through bud.