So he was aggravated you messed up your computer, he went all "computer guy" on you, but used it as a "reason" why your R is hopeless and his behavior justified?
I don't know. They don't want to give hugs when they get the stress chemical going through them, but yes it to me is also obvious that it would help. But I'm female. But for males, this stress chemical I think it makes them feel "fight or flight" and women feel "tend and befriend." Or at least that's what I read.
Your H CAN change his hairtrigger if he believes he can and works on it. He can also learn not to rub stuff in your face. You might have to train yourself in the short term to hear these "nothing's going to change" speeches as "blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." They hurt because they mean he is threatening to leave you. But he may just be blowing off steam. Try to view it as that. Not to excuse it or settle for it in the longterm. To try to reframe it as tolerable for the short-term.
