She Say's She Want's Out Of The Marriage

[Cautious]

This is why DB recommends GALing. When you're alone with your thoughts and feelings, it's so easy to slip into depression. Or allow the sitch to consume you. And then you're left only feeling worthless, unloved, and lonely. I wish I had some advice to offer on that front... maybe watch a few funny movies and zone out for a bit? It's hard when you're hurting, I know, but just keep trying different distractions until you can forget for just a little while. Playing a game of cards with friends, maybe a little drinking... most people say this is a no, but as long as you're in good company, I don't see the harm in a drink or two. In fact, in some cases, it has been one of my best distractions - on game nights it makes time fly and the night is shorter to try and sleep through.

When she got angry about the trailer, it's because she lost control of the situation. She was expecting you to offer sympathy, understanding, and then *ask* if she wanted these people from work to help, because they'd be willing. And the asking has to be delicate. Remember: in her mind, she's in control and has you right where she wants you. Then you came along and gave her exactly what she needed (which wasn't what she wanted - she wanted the sympathy and understanding of her situation, after all she's at such a disadvantage!), so she got upset that things didn't play out the way they were *supposed* to. Don't react to the anger. At all. Either way, you're kind of screwed: if you apologize and say you were only offering some help, she feels dumb because then she has to realize that's what she asked for. If you get angry back, well, we all know that leads to a power struggle and hurt feelings on both sides. But knowing that you can't do anything right is a good sign - it shows you something you need to work on. If I could stake a guess: she's feeling unheard - she wants sympathy and understanding from you, and instead you're trying to fix the problem, rather than listening to her. And being that you're a man, and therefore a natural "fixer", I'm willing to guess that this has been going on for a while. The best thing to do, next time you're presented with this kind of situation (Complaining about the trailer, or complaining about something else that requires her to take action alone) is ask "Is there anything you would like me to do?" then go silent. Make her really think about it. She may fess up and say that she just needs someone to listen, or she might even get angry because she doesn't know how to handle your inquiry - how dare you ask her to think for herself! If the former is the case, LISTEN. Just be quiet and listen. If the latter is true, again, just be quiet. It'll be hard to listen to her chew your head off, but once she's done screaming, simply say "Well, if you think of a way I can help, let me know, okay?" That's so powerful because now she's seeing that you're willing to be leaned on, when she's ready. There may be many screamings in the road ahead, just be consistent with how you respond and she'll probably soften up.

I know what you mean about being frustrated about other people's attitudes. Through this whole event (I'm now divorced, been DBing off and on, screwed up big), I've been offering better advice than I'm taking. In some way, it makes me feel better to fix others' relationships since I keep screwing up my own. I just can identify with nearly every emotion that my guy friends complain about their womenfolk having because I've been all over that spectrum myself, from the logical to the looney. So I just hope that I get it exactly right to help them along. I don't see any reason for a R to fail, and I want to "save" people before they get to where I am.