Vacillating husband

[newmama]

All I wanted to do was come home, crawl onto the couch w/H and say 'I know we're done, but just tonight, hold me close'.

Ruined, I am so relieved to hear you say that! Because back in March 09 (last year!) when WH was moving out, I actually DID do that! I DID ask him to hold me and I never told any of my friends.In fact I asked him to sleep next to me in our bed. But you know what? All I felt was NOTHING- totally numb every time. NO love, no hate, just sadness. So I tell you this because I doubt now that I was the only person to do this and I doubt that I was the only person who did that felt numb doing it!

H has ONLY called me about 4 times in 3 weeks....which in a strange way has helped me. For me, it was more toxic living together. I wasn't able to GAL...I was more concerned with what H was doing.

Yes- this was why I asked WH to leave last year- it was soooo painful to be around him when he was clearly ga ga for OW and not me and I was excruciatingly aware of every move he made, how long he spent in another room--like I had "spidey sense" because I was so tuned into when he was contacting OW.

Wow, gardengirl hit it on the head-- seeing all of the others survive and knowing we aren't alone helps us to heal. But let yourself feel the pain and mourn. Don't rush to D right now- just keep doing what you are doing! (but I did chuckle when you said to H "don't let me cramp your style!"