Yes, wayward spouses get desperate and cling to useless solutions... their capacity for good judgement is shot to hell.

- she will tell me she have a move out date
Just get up and leave the room. If she challenges you, tell her you will discuss it with your Family Therapist, but you do not want to have a destructive conversation. Tell her its not a healthy solution and you want no part of it... GET OUT of the room... no ANGER, no yelling, just calmly get OUT of the room

- she will tell me she has somewhere to stay
same as above

- she will tell me that what I did by confronting her shows I have not changed and may had come across as controlling

You tell her "I am protecting our marriage... I ask that YOU do the same and NOT do anything to hurt it any further. I am going to a Family Therapist to discuss how to be a better husband to you. I am NOT going to go to someone in my workplace in secret to talk to someone who is NOT qualified to do anything but damage... What I did and what i do, is for our marriage because i made a commitment to you, to love you and respect you... and I intend to keep that commitment"

- she may want to further discuss the separation procedure.
Just leave the room, tell her separation does NOT solve anything. Tell her you are willing to attend a Family Therapy session to find out how to be a better husband, but you do not want any part of a separation procedure...

Just LEAVE the ROOM... if you argue, its a trap, it will jsut show her you argue too much

If you try to get her NOT to, she will accuse you of controlling her...

Just tell her YOU want no part of it, CALMLY. Tell her the famly therapist advice you have read so far says separation is NOT constructive and you do NOT want to have anything to do with it...

Participating in a conversation about something you do NOT want to do IMPLIES you are OK with it... so you LEAVE to show her you won't go there.

She will likley yell and try to BAIT you... just leave the room calmly... it is WAY too stressful a situation for you to handle so just get OUT of there

She is setting you UP to FREAK OUT... by telling you "we need to talk" and leaving you sit on that for a whole day she's just trying to get you into a frenzy... so, if she says anything that isn't constructive, LEAVE the ROOM