The journey begins

[ClingingToHope]

Journaling. Dropped D11 off at W's for the play and went to church with D7. That was good. D7 really enjoys the kids program.

The pastor was finishing up the "Me I Want To Be" series and stressed James 1:2-4. Now, I'm not very religious, but it struck a chord with me.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

The way I took that is that I should be happy that God is testing me -- and this sure is a test.

D7 and I hung out at the library for a while, then ate and went to D11's play.

We saw W at intermission. She came up to try to win a silent auction for D11. She kept getting outbid though.

She wanted D7 to stay there too so it didn't look like she was just standing there to outbid people. She smiled. We both put bids in and then D7 wandered off and I went to find her.

After the play I took D11 and D7 home. W was downstairs collecting costumes.

Once we got home D11 still had homework left. In fact, she's sitting next to me doing it.

W called and I gave the phone to D11 to answer. She said W was bringing a book over.

When she got here she came in and gave D11 a hug. I gave her a smile as she left. She gave me a tired smile and said she was really tired. I said good night.

It's nights like these where I just don't get it. I just don't see why she doesn't want to work on this. It's all such a waste. I want to just drive over there and just demand we talk this over, that we give it one more shot.

But then I'll wake up tomorrow in this apartment and know that she hasn't felt love for me for more than three years. And I'll soldier on.

I have to remember James 1: 2-4.