MLC, H and me

[HeartsBlessing]

Hi CW,
Bless your heart..you may tire of me after awhile, if you do get tired, hit ME with a 2X4!

I like you, you're such a cheerful person; upbeat and seem to be doing well in spite of everything.

I asked you about H's oldest (my SS) because he is hurting too! H's sister has tried contacting him and he has ignored her. I know that "I" have to step back but the "fix it" person in me wants to make things better for everyone else!

One of the hardest things in the world is for us to stand back and watch our children hurt, regardless of the situation. My son is 23, and I have a hard time, still yet, with the knowing he has to solve his own problems; and I STILL want to try and "fix" his; though I'm long past being a fixer myself.
Hey, we're mothers, and they are flesh of our flesh; when they hurt WE hurt.

The situation will resolve itself in time, and if you're able to explain to him what's going on in a way that he might understand, it might make it easier on him to think this out, and eventually, hopefully, work through his anger at his dad.

I just want to understand! I know that I may never "understand" but it has surely helped me see that what is happening is not ALL my fault! I am in the process of reading other threads and am still so amazed at how they all seem to follow the same script! Some have OP's, some have WAS's, but are basically the same! To me, understanding=healing.

That I understand very well; I was the same way. The more I understood, the more I could empathize with what he was going through; and it helped me to help others understand as well.
Through that understanding gained and the helping of others, I was able to heal; although it took TIME for me, too.

It's good that you don't have all the drama, you don't need that to complicate an already complicated situation.

I had SOME drama during, but not as much as what I've seen here on the board in times past, and even now.

It IS amazing how all seem to have the SAME script.

We speculated at one time years ago, that all the WAS/MLC'ers went to the same school to learn the "speech"..I love you, but am not in love with you...the ONLY speech I was NOT given, though I think he said it in another fashion.

Sometimes N/C is good in the early days because the MLC'er needs time to work through some stuff, and when the LBS is there, it can interfere with that.

Each person/situation is different; some have more contact, some have less, so MLC is not a one size fits all, situation.

But many things do seem to be the same.

And it can never hurt to learn as much as you can..the knowledge can only help you.

I will admit that I have thought about the fact that I could also go thru a MLC of my own with menopause coming up and it wouldn't surprise me if it happened about the time H comes out of his....lol!

LOL!! My own transition came about when he was coming out, and I didn't recognize it...my sister in law did, LOL!!
It was like the revolving door, he came out, I went in!

Oh, and I hated going in, too. I am 43 now...I was 35 going in, came totally out at 41, so I've been "out" around two years.

Best I can tell, I had menopause and the transition going back to back...and it was awful stuff to endure, but endure I did.
Scared my husband half to death..I think he thought I was way out there, and would possibly leave him, all kinds of stuff went on. His fear surfaced from time to time; and I cannot believe now that I just "down played" those fears..and they were VERY real to him; just as they were to ME.

NO real drama that I remember, but then, I don't know what he remembered within himself...I guarantee you if he did, it was a MIRROR of his actions toward me. LOL!!
And I wasn't even TRYING to "get him back". My snapping at him was part of this..and I couldn't even seem to control it.

But, I have to give him credit, he hung in there with me, put up with quite a bit of the SAME crap he'd dished out at me in the way of anger, snapping, mood swings.

When the last "hurrah" came 3 to 6 months before I turned 41, I called my sister in law, and asked her some questions, b/cause I didn't feel right.....she was LAUGHING, now mind you...and said, "Honey, you're not done YET." Still laughing...at the time if I could have reached through the phone I would have CHOKED her! LOL!! We laugh about that now, she and I.

You are welcome to ask any questions about that or anything; I'm not touchy at all about it..to me, it was a necessary part of my life, even though I could have done without it. LOL!!

The life of a truck driver must be very intersting!!! Thankyou again for taking the time to help to share your experiences!!!

CW, I have worked as a truck driver for 7 years; in that time I have seen all 48 states, no Canada(I refused to go, LOL)
I drive an 18 wheeler, have backed into some places that defy and boggle the mind, gotten to know a lot of great people over that time, and I make a good living.
At this point in time, I own my own truck, and run my own business from the dispatching to the pickups to deliveries.

I'm a self-motivated chick, and so I KNOW it's up to ME whether I make good on this or not, and I WANT to work, and so I work.

My husband, until he broke his ankle recently, runs his own rig, doing the same thing I'm doing, only we don't run together; couldn't make it as a team..we're too different.

We stay in touch with each other, and continue to make this marriage work..not easy when you don't see each other for long periods of time. It's not much different than it was when he trucked and I stayed home..only difference is I'm doing it too.

I left home this evening, felt so sorry for him; he was so pitiful...it's falling on me to make the money and pay our bills, so I knew I had to go..but we'll make it all right.

As you can see, I like to talk, too. LOL!!