From the blog of Susan J. Elliott, author of Getting Past Your Breakup:
"But above all else: forget this person you fell in love with. They are never coming back. The person who LEFT YOU is more in line with who this person REALLY is than the person you fell in love with." Susan J. Elliott
Last edited by Gardener; 03/08/1003:57 AM.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I guess the old addage of time healing all things is true, but part of me also doesn't want to stop loving the SG. Do you feel that?
Yes, somewhat. As I put it to ClinginToHope a couple of hours ago:
Originally Posted By: Gardener
As I like to say, I will live my life and see who shows up, but right now, a large corner of my heart is still occupied by my pre-Alien Janet.
(sigh).
Yeah.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
From the blog of Susan J. Elliott, author of Getting Past Your Breakup:
"But above all else: forget this person you fell in love with. They are never coming back. The person who LEFT YOU is more in line with who this person REALLY is than the person you fell in love with." Susan J. Elliot
whoa--ain't that the truth!!
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
From the blog of Susan J. Elliott, author of Getting Past Your Breakup:
"But above all else: forget this person you fell in love with. They are never coming back. The person who LEFT YOU is more in line with who this person REALLY is than the person you fell in love with." Susan J. Elliot
whoa--ain't that the truth!!
Wow, that is so very true. When we fall in love we see in that person what we want to see in them. We see the good because that is what we are falling in love with. We overlook the bad because that is not what we want to see. When the relationship falls apart, we finally see the bad. It was always there, we just didn't see it. And the WAS does the same, demonizing the LBS so they can justify walking away. They point out all the bad, and never acknowledge that there was any good.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
As true as those statements are it hurts to think that way. As I look back it seems like an hourglass. The sands of depression kept building up. Her episodes of unhappiness just kept getting longer and longer until finally there was no joy left when we were together.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
I agree. I hate to think that the person that SG has become is the person he always was. Rather, I would like to remember the good times we had.
I would hope that on our respective wedding days, although yes we did see all the good in that person, that the good is still there buried. Marriage is about going through the good AND the bad. I think all of us on this board knew there were going to be rough times, and were prepared to deal with it.
I know when I got married, I did not think that SG was perfect. I knew he was flawed, and was prepared to go through anything with him. Maybe it makes me a stronger person because I was willing to do that, and makes him a weaker person. But I don't think that necessarily means that the good in him is not there, nor do I think that the good in the rest of anyone's spouse is not there.
Now, obviously there are exceptions. The abusive spouse, etc. But in general, I think these are just exceptionally weak individuals who let the depression or "life" as it is get the best of them, and decided that the only way to deal with it was NOT to deal with it.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Now, obviously there are exceptions. The abusive spouse, etc. But in general, I think these are just exceptionally weak individuals who let the depression or "life" as it is get the best of them, and decided that the only way to deal with it was NOT to deal with it.
PERFECTLY STATED! I think it is weakness, brought on by depression perhaps. Or, another way of putting it, perceived helplessness.
Perceived helplessness + inability/unwillingness to address issues = BIG PROBLEMS
We interrupt thos program.. I have been reading along and have felt all that you are relating here at some point or other. I have also suggested that I will not remarry again since i am also 0 for 2. Getting yourself out there is a whole different story. Eventually, something will click and you will feel it is time...that is what happened to me. But looking back, it is obvious that you have to give yourself a kick in the butt at times or we can talk about our broken heart till we are pushing up the proverbial daisies. Gardener, I am like you...this was my real first broken heart in 47 years....it hurt, it stung it kicked me in the sac.....but like I have repeated elsewhere, I will be damned if I let one person (regardless of who the real SHE was or is) affect me one more day....They should be the ones regretting their actions NOT US! Hang in there...it gets better.
