How do I expose the affair

[4luv]

"The thing is, the FT is NOT going to tell him to divorce or to recommit, a GOOD FT will say

I believe you two can rebuild your marriage if you do the work. Doing the work is how we learn if rebuilding your marriage is possible."

^^^This is SOOO important mb28 and what newmama quoted above. When my husband and I first attempted counseling, my husband wasn't even mentioning an affair and denying the impact of earlier text messages that I found. It is NO USE in trying to do anything until he admits the cheating with the FT. That is ONE THING I will not stand for this time in FT. If my husband skirts over the issue I already have planned to end the session and say "I don't think these sessions will be useful with the two of us if both parties are not being honest. I will continue sessions alone for the time being."

Our FT was actually good from the three times I met with him and his exact words to husband and I were "I believe that you marriage can blossom if you both are committed to doing the work. Even if one of you are 100% committed and the other one is only 1 or 2% committed we can work from there. All I need is more 1 or more percent of hope and willingness from the both of you." OF course husband didn't commit because at that point he still hadn't admitted to being in an affair.

So mb28, one of the most important factors from my experience is that the WS (the one committing adultery) has to AT LEAST admit to the damage (the affair) that they have participated in.