2 years later it's still not getting easier

[Cautious]

I think maybe you're getting too excited about the warm and fuzzies. Hard not to, right? Going dark is working!! She comes around, wants to know what you're up to, possibly feels guilty? All good signs. Now just to put a little manipulation in there. When you go dark for a while (try at least two or three missed calls from her - unless it's about children, then call back immediately! - and she starts coming around, keep the conversation casual, light, and keep the mystery alive. Don't tell her everything you're up to. Then you're putting the ball right back in her court. She knows your every move, to the point that she could "accidentally" bump into you if she wanted.

So when she says "How are you?" Just say "Good" and let her interpret what that means. When she calls, don't answer, listen to the voicemail and determine if it's important. It takes a LOT of patience to go dark, but I can see that you've had some great results. You just got too excited about those results. Remember it's baby steps here! Be vague, but not impolite. Realize that, though you want to share everything with her and want her to share everything with you, the simple truth is neither of your lives are each other's business anymore. And it's okay to say so, with tact. When you do talk on the phone, at least for now, don't talk to her longer than 2-3 minutes. Tell her you have to go because you're about to go out. Eating while on the phone gives you two power-ups: One, you sound casual because, hey, you still have your appetite and two, you're so focused on eating that you don't have time to sound panicky and desperate - unless the nerves get the best of you and you choke! So try to avoid that! Then, when you hang up, GO OUT, just like you said. I don't care if you're taking the kids to the park. The point is, the more you're at home dwelling on things, the more depressed you're going to be.

Great job and great progress, I have faith that you can keep it up!