Back to the question about him being on the fence and offering recommitment.
The FT would eventually ask him :
Are you willing to do the work needed to explore reconciliation?
The thing is, the FT is NOT going to tell him to divorce or to recommit, a GOOD FT will say
I believe you two can rebuild your marriage if you do the work. Doing the work is how we learn if rebuilding your marriage is possible.
Its like asking someone if they can build a house if they never have before.
The answer really isnt "NO", its just "I havent' done it before, so I don't know"
The only way to KNOW if you can build a house is to TRY to BUILD it...
THIS is what the FT shoudl be telling your H's.. both of you...
Your guys want to KNOW but they DON'T want to have to do any WORK to find OUT
Well, reconcilliation is a process, and work, the end result of that process and work is the answer they are both seeking.
MB28, your husband right now has already DECIDED what the answer IS... wtihout doing any work or even an ounce of research, he's jumping to conclusions...
BUT people in affairs and even who are just wayward and sad will ASSUME the WORST and JUMP to conclusions...
Etc... these behaviours in my opinion and people showing them are NOT in a place to make ANY decisions about their marriage, I think the BEST thing for them is to EXPLORE their marriage again under the safe guidance of a GOOD FT.
Far too often they DON'T go to counselling when feeling like this, they find a female "friend" who has a shoulder to cry on...
You know the rest...
But ya, they need to be willing to do the work... a FT can help them get there...
Recommitment happens at the END of this process... when they are HAPPY again.. THEN you ask them if they are willing to commit again... you NEVER ask them on their first day in...
