But that stuff can't happen if your spouse won't even admit to doing the damage in the first place.
I SUSPECT that woudl be on the list mb28 AND 4luv, you would likely want BOTH of your husbands to OWN the affair and ADMIT there WAS one... full disclosure SHOULD be on the list.
If they won't even own that, there's no point in doing the other stuff yet... they need to take the step of saying