1. She will ask me each day how my day went 2. She will hug me when i come in the door 3. She will thank me for the housework I do
Yours may look something like this
1. He will tell me where he was during the day - each place he went to and who was there with him 2. He will let me check his phone and computer whenever I want without complaint 3. He will help me with the kids when I ask without any complaint
This is just an example.. but you BOTH give these to a FT, teh FT cleans them up and offers them as ADVICE to the otehr spouse on what work to do during the week.
Then during the session the followign week the FT asks teh spouse that supplied the list how well the OTHER spouse did... and then talks to the other spouse etc...
The FT works like a translator and referee for a short while until all teh bad behaviours are cleaned out of the home and you two can negotiate directly again...
I would even have negotiations happen IN session with the FT there first, and THEN once that was OK I would tehn suggest trying to negotiate without the FT tehre... this would take maybe 10 weeks or so total.
If you want anyuthing from your spouse that might trigger conflict, you put it in a list and take it to the FT, the FT pursues that on your behalf objectively...
Eventually you two would be good enough wtih each other that you can just look at each other and ssay "why do we need her anymore?"
THAT is like three months to maybe six months of work I summarized above, mgiht be less, might even be more, it all depends on the maturity of the people involved and the talent of the therapist.
