Should have spent day packing before going to work. Have sat here chain smoking, not sure if H is in the other room or not. No energy at all. Just sad.
Disappointed that over the last 7 weeks, H has made very little effort to tie up loose end regarding M/sitch. Told H 2 or 3 weeks ago that the clock was ticking, this was the time to do these things. H consistently saying that I don't deal w/things, but seems like he's just ignoring all of this. I sometimes wonder if he really does want D, but not wanting to be the bad guy, just wants me to file.
Frustrated that this D is H's idea, yet does very little to get it going. H finally went to see lawyer last month, after me telling him for 4 months to do that. As far as I know, there has been no follow up.
Initially, I started it, saying I wanted D. But as everything unfolded, realized that wasn't what I wanted at all. H says he was 'devastated' when I said I wanted out. Luckily for him, OW was already on the back burner. H said 'I started talking to her when I decided I wanted out', which came a few weeks before I said I wanted out.
Movers are coming Tuesday, not packed. Moved out 50% of my things over the last week. This sitch just seems hopeless.
I keep thinking after everything is out, I should just file myself. H. has been pretty consistent to not say/do things that would give me 'false hope', or that is how it seems. But then he does things to make me question how convinced he is that this is the right decision.
My head is so fuzzy, muddy at the moment. Need to be out of this toxic environment. Not sure which way to turn. Last week he was threatening to kill himself. This week he's totally shut me out.
The only somewhat positive thing I've found this week is that H has been contacting OW much less. H called her for 90 mins. once this week, as opposed to the usual daily 30 - 60 min. She's been texting him roughly 30% more than he responds. I guess I shouldn't even consider that to mean anything at this point.
edit: clarity
Last edited by Ruined_No_More; 03/07/1011:07 PM.
M & H: 40 M: 5.5 T: 7.5 OW: 7/09 Bomb: 9/09 Sep: 3/10 H files 7/10
